Hello all, it is me again. My first name is Nicole. I was the original writer seeking help. I am still at home with my spouse...but the clock is ticking. I think that I've pretty much decided that I've had it. Since my last posting, he has continued to take his antidepressant as prescribed and I guess that I would say that overall his mood has stabilized. I'm still his emotional punching bag, but I stick up for myself and don't put up with much nowadays. I just find most of his ideas, statements and arguments against me absolutely ridiculous. I almost feel like I'm dealing with a moron most days. I think that I've had a major turnaroound regarding my feelings after a night with friends. I drank a couple too many glasses of wine and spent about an hour sobbing my heart out and telling EVERYONE how awful things are. Over the next few days, I think that I had an epiphany of sorts....I do NOT want to live this way. I've had it. I'm tired of the constant complaints, dragging me down, absolute zero interest in me/my feelings/or my thaughts. I'm tired of being treated like I'm an idiot. We had a conversation the other day after he bought an excess of Christmas presents for everyone (after spending the past few weeks bitching at me about how much money I had already spent on Christmas, which I did not spend a huge amount...he pushed it over the limit). He then said to me "Well, I got a look at the credit card receipt and figured if you don't care then why should I?". I just told him, that this is just one more thing, that I've had it and I can't live like this anymore. He asked me "So, basically you're saying that you're miserable in this?"...I said that I was and walked out of the room. I'm tired of working all day, picking up my son at daycare, making dinner, cleaning up, giving my son a bath, getting him down for bed, doing homework and all at the same time as either listening to him bitch at me, or having him turn the TV so loud that my son and I have to yell at each other to be heard or being yelled at because we are talking NOT on a commercial break. If I'm going to do everything, then I want to do it alone without constant criticism. My son is having surgery next week. I'm going to give him a good month to recover and then I'm filing for divorce. It's going to be costly, financially speaking. He will fight me for custody, but he won't win. We all recently had to take his car out for errands and I quickly realized that my son had outgrown his car seat since his head was above the back of the carseat and the straps were way too short. My husband told me that he had just been strapping him in with the chest piece because he had no idea how to lengthen the straps. Really??? I could have shown him that the first time that he noticed that, but the carseat is way too small!!! Did he not realize that??? I bought him a new carseat the next day. It's sitting in my garage. He has called me and said that he would bring our son here or there, I flat out refuse. If he cannot put the new carseat in his car then too bad. He cannot drive our son anywhere. I am praying that I don't lose it while we are in the hospital this next week. My spouse does not do well with stress. Our son isn't going to want to let me out of his sight and will not want to go to him. He'll try to punish me and force me to leave the room. I'm not going to leave my 4 year old screaming and crying after having surgery just to stroke my husband's ego. He of course will refuse to get me a coffee or anything else, so I will wait until one of my sisters comes for a visit. They'll happily get me anything I need. I will leave and I will not give in and give him everything because he's sick. He has more money than I do, he's been left land, stocks etc by his grandparents. He has things to fall back on. If I need to move, fine, I will. I'll make a home for my son and I. He will get visitation, but NOT joint custody. Sorry if I sound fed up, bitter, unforgiving. But I think that I'm finding my strength.
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Hello all, it is me again. My first name is Nicole. I was the original writer seeking help. I am still at home with my spouse...but the clock is ticking. I think that I've pretty much decided that I've had it. Since my last posting, he has continued to take his antidepressant as prescribed and I guess that I would say that overall his mood has stabilized. I'm still his emotional punching bag, but I stick up for myself and don't put up with much nowadays. I just find most of his ideas, statements and arguments against me absolutely ridiculous. I almost feel like I'm dealing with a moron most days. I think that I've had a major turnaroound regarding my feelings after a night with friends. I drank a couple too many glasses of wine and spent about an hour sobbing my heart out and telling EVERYONE how awful things are. Over the next few days, I think that I had an epiphany of sorts....I do NOT want to live this way. I've had it. I'm tired of the constant complaints, dragging me down, absolute zero interest in me/my feelings/or my thaughts. I'm tired of being treated like I'm an idiot. We had a conversation the other day after he bought an excess of Christmas presents for everyone (after spending the past few weeks bitching at me about how much money I had already spent on Christmas, which I did not spend a huge amount...he pushed it over the limit). He then said to me "Well, I got a look at the credit card receipt and figured if you don't care then why should I?". I just told him, that this is just one more thing, that I've had it and I can't live like this anymore. He asked me "So, basically you're saying that you're miserable in this?"...I said that I was and walked out of the room. I'm tired of working all day, picking up my son at daycare, making dinner, cleaning up, giving my son a bath, getting him down for bed, doing homework and all at the same time as either listening to him bitch at me, or having him turn the TV so loud that my son and I have to yell at each other to be heard or being yelled at because we are talking NOT on a commercial break. If I'm going to do everything, then I want to do it alone without constant criticism. My son is having surgery next week. I'm going to give him a good month to recover and then I'm filing for divorce. It's going to be costly, financially speaking. He will fight me for custody, but he won't win. We all recently had to take his car out for errands and I quickly realized that my son had outgrown his car seat since his head was above the back of the carseat and the straps were way too short. My husband told me that he had just been strapping him in with the chest piece because he had no idea how to lengthen the straps. Really??? I could have shown him that the first time that he noticed that, but the carseat is way too small!!! Did he not realize that??? I bought him a new carseat the next day. It's sitting in my garage. He has called me and said that he would bring our son here or there, I flat out refuse. If he cannot put the new carseat in his car then too bad. He cannot drive our son anywhere. I am praying that I don't lose it while we are in the hospital this next week. My spouse does not do well with stress. Our son isn't going to want to let me out of his sight and will not want to go to him. He'll try to punish me and force me to leave the room. I'm not going to leave my 4 year old screaming and crying after having surgery just to stroke my husband's ego. He of course will refuse to get me a coffee or anything else, so I will wait until one of my sisters comes for a visit. They'll happily get me anything I need. I will leave and I will not give in and give him everything because he's sick. He has more money than I do, he's been left land, stocks etc by his grandparents. He has things to fall back on. If I need to move, fine, I will. I'll make a home for my son and I. He will get visitation, but NOT joint custody. Sorry if I sound fed up, bitter, unforgiving. But I think that I'm finding my strength.
December 30, 2009 - 7:35pmThis Comment
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