I am a very young 40-yr-old with a 10-yr-old and a 14-yr-old. I married my high school sweetheart, the man I have loved since I was 14.
When he turned 30, in 1999, he started to behave strangely. Many doctors/treatments/medicines later, he was diagnosed with a terminal brain disease. It is a very slowly progressing disease that quickly took the essence of the man I married, leaving behind the shell of his body all these years. Very quickly his family and I realized he needed 24-hr skilled nursing care, so he lives in a facility that provides for his needs (about 20 minutes away). When diagnosed, he was given 3 - 7 years to live. I was upset and unsure of how we would live our lives in this "waiting for him to die limbo". I decided, based on my vows before God and the values I have and want to pass on to my children, that I would stay married to him and remain faithful. So I have lived my life, functioning as a single mom, for the past 9 years. At the time, one thing that kept me going was that it might be over in 3 years. That came and went. 7 years came and went. Over the years I have had times when I DESPERATELY wanted all of this to be over. I would never have imagined I would still be living like this so many years later. Other than being somewhat lonely and missing romance/intimacy, my life is so good. My kids are more than awesome. I live a modest, yet comfortable life. We have so many people that care about us. They all want this situation with my husband to be over. I stay with my husband for many reasons. First are those vows I made before God. My given word means a lot. It is important to me to keep my promises. It is important that I set this example for my children and others. I choose to spend this season of my life concentrating on my children. When I do remarry one day, I am giving that man the gift of a wife who will be faithful and honorable. I deserve the dignity of being my husband's widow, instead of "the woman who divorced her sick husband". As I write this, I can't emphasize enough that I do not judge others. These are my reasons, personal to me. I support everyone here no matter what their decision has been. I know all of our circumstances are different. I am a bit jealous of those who have left their husbands and are moving on. I have spent a good bit of time over the years fantasizing about being free. I can't say with absolute sureness that next month or next year I won't be throwing in the towel and filing for divorce. Two years ago my husband almost died from choking (happens often to people with his disease). His pupils were dilated, he was having seizures, and unable to breathe on his own. The ER doc worked very hard on him and was able to revive him. I looked at her as she said this, with my heart absolutely broken that I was so close to freedom from this situation, only to have it snatched away, and told her that he has a DNR (do not resucitate order) on is file and he was not supposed to be revived in a situation like this. I told her about his disease. Her face fell and she said she was so very sorry and would not have done it if she had known. I was so upset and angry at my husband for surviving, that if a lawyer had been standing there with divorce papers ready to sign, I would have signed them without a second thought. So to all of you struggling with similar issues, I just want to offer the way I live in my situation. I know I have it so much easier than those who are care-taking their husbands, those very emotionally broken men. My husband has been blessed with being oblivious. I have my good phases and my bad phases. I am blessed that my good phases very much outweigh the bad. Big hugs and my sincerest emphathy to all of you. Stay strong. Do what is best for you and your family, if you have children. I am praying for us all.
Comment Reply
I am a very young 40-yr-old with a 10-yr-old and a 14-yr-old. I married my high school sweetheart, the man I have loved since I was 14.
July 29, 2010 - 10:23pmWhen he turned 30, in 1999, he started to behave strangely. Many doctors/treatments/medicines later, he was diagnosed with a terminal brain disease. It is a very slowly progressing disease that quickly took the essence of the man I married, leaving behind the shell of his body all these years. Very quickly his family and I realized he needed 24-hr skilled nursing care, so he lives in a facility that provides for his needs (about 20 minutes away). When diagnosed, he was given 3 - 7 years to live. I was upset and unsure of how we would live our lives in this "waiting for him to die limbo". I decided, based on my vows before God and the values I have and want to pass on to my children, that I would stay married to him and remain faithful. So I have lived my life, functioning as a single mom, for the past 9 years. At the time, one thing that kept me going was that it might be over in 3 years. That came and went. 7 years came and went. Over the years I have had times when I DESPERATELY wanted all of this to be over. I would never have imagined I would still be living like this so many years later. Other than being somewhat lonely and missing romance/intimacy, my life is so good. My kids are more than awesome. I live a modest, yet comfortable life. We have so many people that care about us. They all want this situation with my husband to be over. I stay with my husband for many reasons. First are those vows I made before God. My given word means a lot. It is important to me to keep my promises. It is important that I set this example for my children and others. I choose to spend this season of my life concentrating on my children. When I do remarry one day, I am giving that man the gift of a wife who will be faithful and honorable. I deserve the dignity of being my husband's widow, instead of "the woman who divorced her sick husband". As I write this, I can't emphasize enough that I do not judge others. These are my reasons, personal to me. I support everyone here no matter what their decision has been. I know all of our circumstances are different. I am a bit jealous of those who have left their husbands and are moving on. I have spent a good bit of time over the years fantasizing about being free. I can't say with absolute sureness that next month or next year I won't be throwing in the towel and filing for divorce. Two years ago my husband almost died from choking (happens often to people with his disease). His pupils were dilated, he was having seizures, and unable to breathe on his own. The ER doc worked very hard on him and was able to revive him. I looked at her as she said this, with my heart absolutely broken that I was so close to freedom from this situation, only to have it snatched away, and told her that he has a DNR (do not resucitate order) on is file and he was not supposed to be revived in a situation like this. I told her about his disease. Her face fell and she said she was so very sorry and would not have done it if she had known. I was so upset and angry at my husband for surviving, that if a lawyer had been standing there with divorce papers ready to sign, I would have signed them without a second thought. So to all of you struggling with similar issues, I just want to offer the way I live in my situation. I know I have it so much easier than those who are care-taking their husbands, those very emotionally broken men. My husband has been blessed with being oblivious. I have my good phases and my bad phases. I am blessed that my good phases very much outweigh the bad. Big hugs and my sincerest emphathy to all of you. Stay strong. Do what is best for you and your family, if you have children. I am praying for us all.
This Comment
Reply