There could be so many factors, so let me start with a few thoughts:
1. Assuming you are in a healthy, mutually-respectful and loving relationship, there are a number of things you can do. First, I would suggest thinking about how you make love--do you do everything the same? Changing up your routine and figuring out what "feeling intimate" with your bf is truly like can help break down any mental-barriers you may have (as you know, sex, sexuality, intimacy, orgasms, etc have deeply rooted mental aspects to them, much more than just the purely physical aspects)... This can mean better communication between both of you, both in and outside the bedroom.
2. Many women do not have orgasms with intercourse, or even with oral sex. The vagina just does not have as many nerve endings as the clitoris, and the clitoris is not often touched during intercourse. Oral sex can be more of a mental challenge/barrier for many women. Be patient with yourself, too! I honestly do not see the problem with having an orgasm before or after intercourse...have you asked yourself why you feel you need to have an orgasm during intercourse with your bf? What about taking a shower together before or after?
3. Start with what you know. If you are able to orgasm by yourself, in a particular way, can you show your partner the trick? Have you talked with your partner about how you can orgasm and have you shown your partner how to stimulate you in this way? You can try different types of pressure, different areas, and fun with it.
4. Next, experiment. You may want to use different sensations with your partner, including lubricants or toys. A great resource for sexuality online (it's research-based, credible, and not-shy with information!) is from The Kinsey Institute.
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There could be so many factors, so let me start with a few thoughts:
1. Assuming you are in a healthy, mutually-respectful and loving relationship, there are a number of things you can do. First, I would suggest thinking about how you make love--do you do everything the same? Changing up your routine and figuring out what "feeling intimate" with your bf is truly like can help break down any mental-barriers you may have (as you know, sex, sexuality, intimacy, orgasms, etc have deeply rooted mental aspects to them, much more than just the purely physical aspects)... This can mean better communication between both of you, both in and outside the bedroom.
2. Many women do not have orgasms with intercourse, or even with oral sex. The vagina just does not have as many nerve endings as the clitoris, and the clitoris is not often touched during intercourse. Oral sex can be more of a mental challenge/barrier for many women. Be patient with yourself, too! I honestly do not see the problem with having an orgasm before or after intercourse...have you asked yourself why you feel you need to have an orgasm during intercourse with your bf? What about taking a shower together before or after?
3. Start with what you know. If you are able to orgasm by yourself, in a particular way, can you show your partner the trick? Have you talked with your partner about how you can orgasm and have you shown your partner how to stimulate you in this way? You can try different types of pressure, different areas, and fun with it.
4. Next, experiment. You may want to use different sensations with your partner, including lubricants or toys. A great resource for sexuality online (it's research-based, credible, and not-shy with information!) is from The Kinsey Institute.
Lastly, my favorite sexual health resource for men and women in their 20's is Columbia University's Go Ask Alice website
January 27, 2009 - 2:07pmThis Comment
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