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Hi, Anon, and welcome to Empowher!

It's common for the opening in the hymen to be just the size of one finger. Here's a page from the Palo Alto Medical Foundation that discusses the hymen. It says it's even common for a small tampon to be uncomfortable when the hymen is still intact:

http://www.pamf.org/teen/health/femalehealth/hymen.html

You should know that it is possible to have a pap smear when you are still a virgin. Women who are virgins but who want to go on birth control before they have sex for the first time need to have a pap smear; the doctor uses a small speculum for this. You can talk with your doctor ahead of time if going on birth control is something you'd like to do (because you can get pregnant on the first time!)

It is common to have a little pain and a little bleeding when you have intercourse for the first time. But both tend to go away relatively quickly, and some women have no discomfort at all.

Here's a page from Discovery Health about the hymen:

http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/sexpedia/hymen.html

There are a few women who do have trouble with their hymens not breaking easily when they try to have intercourse for the first time. Other women have hymens that actually stretch to accomodate the penis but do not break. So there are some cases where it is surgically broken, called a hymenectomy. However, this is in a minority of cases, and is outpatient surgery when necessary.

When you do try to have sex, you may want to use a lubricant, like KY Jelly. And it's true, what they say about being stressed -- if all your muscles are tightened up and you are just worried about what will happen, it will be a different experience than it will if you can relax, go slowly and be patient with yourself.

Take care, and let us know if we can find you more information.

February 2, 2009 - 10:32am

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