I'm so sorry this has happened, to your cousin and to your family. It's a truly difficult situation for all involved, with no easy answers. I'm glad you found Empowher; let's see if we can help a little.
How is it that your cousin is certain that she is only one month along? That would mean she's just two weeks late with her period, is that right? Has this been confirmed by a doctor?
First, let's talk about her situation. At 14, she's old enough to be affected by whatever decision she makes for the rest of her life. Whether she has an abortion, has the baby and keeps it, or gives it up for adoption, everything changes from here on out. It's important for everyone involved to know that. And how she deals with this later in life -- regardless of her choice -- will be affected greatly by how she's treated now, and what part she has in the decisions being made.
You say you think she's against the abortion just to be difficult; do you know more about what she's thinking? Does she plan to raise the child, or does she want her mother to raise it? Why is adoption not an option for the family?
Now, let's talk about your aunt. She's faced with the choice of seeing her baby have a baby, and watching everything about your cousin's life change forever. Certainly, getting an education, getting good jobs, meeting a good life partner and negotiating all the changes that life brings is more difficult for a teen parent. One day your aunt sees that her daughter is simply focused on grades, school, tv, music and boys; the next day, her daughter is about to become a mother. There's nothing that could have prepared her for that kind of news. And there's nothing that makes the decision about what to do any easier.
Do you think that the family might seek counseling? It seems like a family counselor who could sit down with the mother and the teenager -- both individually and apart -- could help get to the bottom of how everyone is feeling, and why, and how to start taking steps in one direction or another.
I do not think that the 14-year-old can be forced to have an abortion. And if she chooses to have the child and keep it, she needs to also realize that she's choosing to enter the adult world of parenthood. Maybe a counselor can help her see that in a way that her mother -- who is bound to be very emotional right now -- just cannot.
Do you think they might be open to seeking counseling? Are you in a position where you feel like you could suggest this, or help them find someone to talk to?
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Dear Anon,
I'm so sorry this has happened, to your cousin and to your family. It's a truly difficult situation for all involved, with no easy answers. I'm glad you found Empowher; let's see if we can help a little.
How is it that your cousin is certain that she is only one month along? That would mean she's just two weeks late with her period, is that right? Has this been confirmed by a doctor?
First, let's talk about her situation. At 14, she's old enough to be affected by whatever decision she makes for the rest of her life. Whether she has an abortion, has the baby and keeps it, or gives it up for adoption, everything changes from here on out. It's important for everyone involved to know that. And how she deals with this later in life -- regardless of her choice -- will be affected greatly by how she's treated now, and what part she has in the decisions being made.
You say you think she's against the abortion just to be difficult; do you know more about what she's thinking? Does she plan to raise the child, or does she want her mother to raise it? Why is adoption not an option for the family?
Now, let's talk about your aunt. She's faced with the choice of seeing her baby have a baby, and watching everything about your cousin's life change forever. Certainly, getting an education, getting good jobs, meeting a good life partner and negotiating all the changes that life brings is more difficult for a teen parent. One day your aunt sees that her daughter is simply focused on grades, school, tv, music and boys; the next day, her daughter is about to become a mother. There's nothing that could have prepared her for that kind of news. And there's nothing that makes the decision about what to do any easier.
Do you think that the family might seek counseling? It seems like a family counselor who could sit down with the mother and the teenager -- both individually and apart -- could help get to the bottom of how everyone is feeling, and why, and how to start taking steps in one direction or another.
I do not think that the 14-year-old can be forced to have an abortion. And if she chooses to have the child and keep it, she needs to also realize that she's choosing to enter the adult world of parenthood. Maybe a counselor can help her see that in a way that her mother -- who is bound to be very emotional right now -- just cannot.
Do you think they might be open to seeking counseling? Are you in a position where you feel like you could suggest this, or help them find someone to talk to?
February 2, 2009 - 10:59amThis Comment
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