You said you have talked with a Gynecologist and Urologist, but it sounds like you could benefit from talking with a mental health professional: a therapist. I say this because your relationship does not sound like a happy or healthy one, and a therapist can help. The therapist can also help you realize the link between your irritation/fights/arguments with your husband and your arousal.
I hope this will ease some of your concerns, as it makes perfect sense why a fight with hubby would "cause" you to have feelings of arousal. The Sexual Response Cycle (from Cleveland Clinic) details what physically happens when we become sexually aroused:
- Muscle tension increases
- Heart rate quickens
- Breathing is accelerated
- Skin may become flushed
- Blood flow increases...
...do these sound familiar? These are also the same physical responses that humans have when we are angry, mad, frustrated or irritated.
I can also see a link emotionally, too. If you feel that there is a lack of passion, emotional connection, communication or energy between you and your husband, and the few times you do feel these occur during an argument...then through the arguing you have his full attention, he is more/less communicating, and he is showing emotion and you are both energized (for a while).
Movies play on this theme, too. How many movies have you seen that contain images of "make up" sex?! Either the plot includes an already-established couple, or the two are bitter enemies engaged in an emotional or physical battle. They become so "worked up" that they "can't control themselves" and wind up in bed together.
Even though there is a link or connection that we can theoretically make, it does not make this a healthy or happy connection. The energy, passion and emotional connectedness you feel while fighting with your husband is misplaced, and I'm guessing the fighting is not a "turn on" for him? If so, even more reason to talk with a trusted marriage counselor, who can help you sort out your true feelings, and direct your energy towards healthy encounters within the boundaries of a happy and healthy relationship.
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Hi,
I'm sorry you are going through this.
You said you have talked with a Gynecologist and Urologist, but it sounds like you could benefit from talking with a mental health professional: a therapist. I say this because your relationship does not sound like a happy or healthy one, and a therapist can help. The therapist can also help you realize the link between your irritation/fights/arguments with your husband and your arousal.
I hope this will ease some of your concerns, as it makes perfect sense why a fight with hubby would "cause" you to have feelings of arousal. The Sexual Response Cycle (from Cleveland Clinic) details what physically happens when we become sexually aroused:
- Muscle tension increases
- Heart rate quickens
- Breathing is accelerated
- Skin may become flushed
- Blood flow increases...
...do these sound familiar? These are also the same physical responses that humans have when we are angry, mad, frustrated or irritated.
I can also see a link emotionally, too. If you feel that there is a lack of passion, emotional connection, communication or energy between you and your husband, and the few times you do feel these occur during an argument...then through the arguing you have his full attention, he is more/less communicating, and he is showing emotion and you are both energized (for a while).
Movies play on this theme, too. How many movies have you seen that contain images of "make up" sex?! Either the plot includes an already-established couple, or the two are bitter enemies engaged in an emotional or physical battle. They become so "worked up" that they "can't control themselves" and wind up in bed together.
Even though there is a link or connection that we can theoretically make, it does not make this a healthy or happy connection. The energy, passion and emotional connectedness you feel while fighting with your husband is misplaced, and I'm guessing the fighting is not a "turn on" for him? If so, even more reason to talk with a trusted marriage counselor, who can help you sort out your true feelings, and direct your energy towards healthy encounters within the boundaries of a happy and healthy relationship.
June 21, 2009 - 7:52pmThis Comment
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