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I am also bipolar, I have been with the same man since I was 17 yrs old. I am now 28. we have 2 children together, and things have just suddenly gotten worse for us. well, me really. I cant say how he is really feeling because of the things he says. I didnt know I was bipolar when we met, I didnt find out til along time after that I was suffering from this disease. I have done alot of bad things, from leaving in the middle of the night to fly to hawaii, to leaving for 6 weeks to stay at another guys house, ( even tho he was a friend, still a man) I have also, in our early years, before marriage, married another man, I dont know why I did this, I did not love this other person, at all. Maybe it was to hurt my husband, I cant be sure. But I do know, that being bipolar in a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, has alot of issues that need to be dealt with, along with your partner. my husband wasnt always around to show me he cared, I honestly didnt believe he cared, we have went through hell with eachothers families, and his family doesnt even know mine.. formally.. never met once. we have been together 12 yrs in july. married for 8 in feb.. and now... he is ready to give up and I cant really blame him, I have put him through so much shit, its unbelievable he is stayed this long at all... I have been trying to make an effort to show him how I really feel, and all i get is rejection. He brings up the past, ( again, i cant get mad about things Ive done) Ive apologized so much and Ive tried to explain the way I was thinking during the times I did leave. I never ever cheated on him, but I have kissed another guy, well he kissed me, but I didnt allow it to go farther, but there is no telling that to him, as he is already pained by the things Ive done. I just want to fix things, and make things better, Im scared if I lose him, I may, want to lose myself, and I cant do that to my children, they are my heart, but my husband is the one who holds it. and he is just letting it fall farther and farther. and Im completely broken, and nothing I can do to change the things that are happening. I am very sorry about the things I have done, no doubt, but when it happens, Im not really thinking about anything but getting away.. it seems when I leave, he shows how much he cares. so, I was thinking maybe, in some way, I do it for that attention, which is still stupid, and people who arent bipolar arent going to understand how I feel. there is no turning back time to change things. I just wish I knew how to fix this. im so scared to lose him, Ive been with him since I was a kid, and he has always stuck by me, until now, and he thinks its only because I need him to take care of me and our kids, but really, I dont. I can get help from my family, and the state, but he doesnt see it that way. if anyone has any advice, Id love to hear it.. my email is:
(personal email address removed by EmpowHER moderator)
Thanks for reading...

November 17, 2009 - 11:03pm


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