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i know what you are going through. My husband and i have been married 3 years and sometimes it is so hard for him to understand that I am not acting the way i am because its how i feel...it is nothing more than a severe chemical impulse making me believe things about myself that are not reality. just like an person with epilepsy does not chose to have seizures, i do not choose my strange, inappropriate impulses during a manic. but regardless, they are just that...impulses...misfires in the wiring of your brain. you may never be able to control them completely, but you can learn how to respond to them and teach others how they can respond to help you and themselves deal in a more pleasing manner to this challenge. There are many work books available for helping you and your loved ones understand what is going on in your head when the bipolar takes control, and what you can do. My favorite is the bipolar workbook. by monica basco. go through it with your husband, step by step. I would also consider doing some sessions with a therapist together as well. It did wonders for my husband and i, though we still have alot of work to do...