I have a friend who divorced after 22 years of marriage. It was hard for her to take her ring off permanently, though she had taken it off occasionally during their separation. It had been a marriage with some joyful times, in addition to the very difficult times, and I know it was very hard for her to give up on it. She wore the ring when she was hopeful for it, and took it off when she was not. But I don't believe she's worn it at all since the divorce was final.
After my dad died, my mom wore her rings for quite a while. I think she loved them there and she loved what they represented. After what I think was a couple of years, she also had them resized to fit her right hand, and she wears them there to this day (even though there is another man in her life now). They are beautiful rings that meant a lot to her all her life, and it makes sense to me that she didn't just want to consign them to the jewelry box. But it does make a lot of difference, I think, if a person is widowed rather than divorced.
It may be that rather than just being a symbol of the marriage to your friend's friend, that taking the ring off is also an "advertisement," so to speak, to the world that she is now single. Isn't that what we always do, when we are single and meet someone interesting -- look to see whether they are wearing a ring? Perhaps having the ring off makes her feel vulnerable. If that's the case, her friend's advice about taking it off when she's ready, no rush, is the best thing for her. Divorce is a huge change and maybe she needs the safety zone of her ring for a bit longer.
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I have a friend who divorced after 22 years of marriage. It was hard for her to take her ring off permanently, though she had taken it off occasionally during their separation. It had been a marriage with some joyful times, in addition to the very difficult times, and I know it was very hard for her to give up on it. She wore the ring when she was hopeful for it, and took it off when she was not. But I don't believe she's worn it at all since the divorce was final.
After my dad died, my mom wore her rings for quite a while. I think she loved them there and she loved what they represented. After what I think was a couple of years, she also had them resized to fit her right hand, and she wears them there to this day (even though there is another man in her life now). They are beautiful rings that meant a lot to her all her life, and it makes sense to me that she didn't just want to consign them to the jewelry box. But it does make a lot of difference, I think, if a person is widowed rather than divorced.
It may be that rather than just being a symbol of the marriage to your friend's friend, that taking the ring off is also an "advertisement," so to speak, to the world that she is now single. Isn't that what we always do, when we are single and meet someone interesting -- look to see whether they are wearing a ring? Perhaps having the ring off makes her feel vulnerable. If that's the case, her friend's advice about taking it off when she's ready, no rush, is the best thing for her. Divorce is a huge change and maybe she needs the safety zone of her ring for a bit longer.
March 10, 2009 - 8:18amThis Comment
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