Your story is heart-wrenching. You know you are trapped, you know you are a prisoner with your eating disorder, yet you feel powerless -- and not motivated -- to change it.
I am so glad you feel connected, to parents, siblings, husband and your daughter. I might ask, though, how it feels -- on those days when you can't resist your "slow suicide" -- to think of leaving your daughter without a mom earlier than you have to?
I lost my father when I was 26. My sister and brother were 17 and 16. He had smoked, which I guess we could call another "slow suicide." He had quit several years before he died, but not soon enough to detect or beat the cancer that ultimately took his life.
Losing a parent is so difficult, and it resonates with a child for months, years, decades. A person doesn't just get over it -- in fact, as you reach each new stage in life, you miss yet again being able to share that stage in life with the parent who's gone. You miss the sound of their voice, the hugs, the twinkle in their eye, their sense of humor, their forever support. One of your anchors is missing, and you feel unbalanced because of it.
At 35, you are so young. At 14, your daugher is so very, very young. Please consider her on the days when your eating disorder seems out of control. And realize that every day, by your own behavior, you are also teaching her to dislike her own natural body shape. Perfection, when counted in tenths of a pound, can be a very destructive force.
I completely appreciate your frankness and your honesty. I'm sure it's startling to read for those who aren't familiar with what it's like to have an eating disorder. If you would like more information, here's Empowher's eating disorders page, along with lots of q&a's:
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Christa,
Your story is heart-wrenching. You know you are trapped, you know you are a prisoner with your eating disorder, yet you feel powerless -- and not motivated -- to change it.
I am so glad you feel connected, to parents, siblings, husband and your daughter. I might ask, though, how it feels -- on those days when you can't resist your "slow suicide" -- to think of leaving your daughter without a mom earlier than you have to?
I lost my father when I was 26. My sister and brother were 17 and 16. He had smoked, which I guess we could call another "slow suicide." He had quit several years before he died, but not soon enough to detect or beat the cancer that ultimately took his life.
Losing a parent is so difficult, and it resonates with a child for months, years, decades. A person doesn't just get over it -- in fact, as you reach each new stage in life, you miss yet again being able to share that stage in life with the parent who's gone. You miss the sound of their voice, the hugs, the twinkle in their eye, their sense of humor, their forever support. One of your anchors is missing, and you feel unbalanced because of it.
At 35, you are so young. At 14, your daugher is so very, very young. Please consider her on the days when your eating disorder seems out of control. And realize that every day, by your own behavior, you are also teaching her to dislike her own natural body shape. Perfection, when counted in tenths of a pound, can be a very destructive force.
I completely appreciate your frankness and your honesty. I'm sure it's startling to read for those who aren't familiar with what it's like to have an eating disorder. If you would like more information, here's Empowher's eating disorders page, along with lots of q&a's:
https://www.empowher.com/search/google?cx=001740413268797642882%3Axdyajny4mzk&cof=FORID%3A11&query=eating+disorders&op=GO&form_build_id=form-1eb30c275a9d00d12a00c4dfa30c474c&form_token=0d93ac19a3ec9d0aeb97fc9c87e6f12b&form_id=google_cse_searchbox_form#944
And here are a couple of good online resources for anyone who has or who has a loved one dealing with an eating disorder:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_treatment.htm
March 17, 2009 - 8:21amhttp://www.eating-disorder.com/
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