First of all, I'm so glad that you never let him take pictures of you. It's clear that it was possible for him to go back on his word to you, and at least you know now that you don't have to worry about any pictures being out there that you can't control.
Second, I admire how hard you've worked on this. It was hard to leave, and I'm sure it was both wonderful and worrisome to move back in together. I cannot imagine your disappointment when he recently admitted he's still looking at porn.
If he can't stop even when he committed to it, he may be addicted. And addictions like this need help -- not just willpower or desire.
You really only have two choices at this point. One, you can live with it. Or two, you can force the issue of therapy by making it a condition of the two of you staying together. The hard part of that is that you have to be ready to leave if he chooses not to try; to make such a demand and then not follow through on it will pretty much insure that you will live with this situation forever.
If that's too scary right now, may I encourage you to get therapy for yourself? Even just a few counseling sessions will help you be more sure about the next steps in your path.
Life is short, Silver Girl, and the only life we truly have control over is our own. Please consider finding a therapist for yourself -- it's utterly wonderful to have an objective listener who has insight into human behavior and can help us find our way to a decision. It doesn't need to be long-term, either -- even a few sessions will probably give you more strength and confidence in knowing what you want.
I wish you the best. Will you write back and let us know what you decide?
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Silvergirl,
Sigh. This is so disheartening, I know.
First of all, I'm so glad that you never let him take pictures of you. It's clear that it was possible for him to go back on his word to you, and at least you know now that you don't have to worry about any pictures being out there that you can't control.
Second, I admire how hard you've worked on this. It was hard to leave, and I'm sure it was both wonderful and worrisome to move back in together. I cannot imagine your disappointment when he recently admitted he's still looking at porn.
If he can't stop even when he committed to it, he may be addicted. And addictions like this need help -- not just willpower or desire.
You really only have two choices at this point. One, you can live with it. Or two, you can force the issue of therapy by making it a condition of the two of you staying together. The hard part of that is that you have to be ready to leave if he chooses not to try; to make such a demand and then not follow through on it will pretty much insure that you will live with this situation forever.
If that's too scary right now, may I encourage you to get therapy for yourself? Even just a few counseling sessions will help you be more sure about the next steps in your path.
Life is short, Silver Girl, and the only life we truly have control over is our own. Please consider finding a therapist for yourself -- it's utterly wonderful to have an objective listener who has insight into human behavior and can help us find our way to a decision. It doesn't need to be long-term, either -- even a few sessions will probably give you more strength and confidence in knowing what you want.
I wish you the best. Will you write back and let us know what you decide?
November 4, 2009 - 9:28amThis Comment
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