Hello. I'm new to this forum. I found you after I typed in a search on Google about men pressuring their partners to pose for photos. Let me state, before I get into my problem, that I have enjoyed reading every comment in this thread. Okay, so here goes...
Some background...when I was 6 years old I was vaginally raped by the teenaged son of a neighbor. I was restrained and also had my mouth covered during the attack. My elder sister found me, tried to clean me up, and put my bloodied underwear into the laundry hamper. We waited for my parents to get home from work so they could be informed. I remember nothing from the time between when my sister found me and when my parents arrived home. What I do remember is that my mom saw my bloodied underwear in the hamper, and she then walked over to me with them held out and away from her, and she slapped me in the face, hard. As a consequence of this reaction to the attack on my young body, when I was later molested at the age of 12 by the husband of my mom's best friend I told nobody and kept it a secret until the age of 16. I never received formal counselling to help me deal with the issues caused by these attacks. My sister did take me to her church to speak with one of their counsellors but I walked out and never returned after he tried to blame me for these attacks on my person.
At age 18 I was dating a co-worker, and after only 3 months of knowing this man my mom pushed us into marriage. I was pregnant within weeks after getting married, and spent 13 years with a man who was a drug addict and alcoholic who beat me up, cheated on me with at least three other women, tried to murder me in my sleep, and then raped me in the shower during a drunken rage. During this attack he also vaginally raped me with a candlestick holder. We ended up having two children, born 8 years apart. When our youngest was 4 I filed for divorce after requesting that police remove my husband from our home. I lived 7 peaceful months as a single mother, and then met a man who would turn out to be a mentally unstable drug abuser. After three years of his abuse I managed to escape the relationship. About a week after I kicked him out of our home he entered the house late at night and viciously raped me vaginally and orally. I went through the humiliating of the "rape kit" collection, recounting the rape to detectives, police, the district attorney, a rape crisis counsellor, etc... In the end we only got him on an assault charge. The State I lived in at the time was strongly Mormon, my attacker was a "jack" Mormon, and his father & step-mother were Mormons in good standing, plus, the final kicker, the judge was Mormon. Because I had lived with this person "as if we were married" the judge would not rule that I had been raped. So, this was my past history, yet in spite of it I still stood strong and did not allow myself to be completely turned away from finding love with a good, decent man.
I did finally re-marry, this time to a man whom I love deeply, yet I still continue to have problems. My husband has had problems with porn addicition throughout the 11 years we have been together. On many ocassions we have discussed it, come to an agreement about how destructive it is to our relationship, and then at some point it becomes a problem again, with justifications made by my husband as to why it is really not bad for him to view it. I always cave in to his excuses and reasons just to keep the peace and to avoid dealing with the guilt, yelling, accusations and days of suffering the "cold shoulder & silence" treatment. Tied in with this is the issue of my husband's need to have photos of me naked, in pornographic poses, or in highly suggestive poses. Again, I have discussed my feelings about this many, many times, convinced him to delete or destroy these photos of me, only to have him begin harrassing me me at a later date to allow more photos. We go through the same cycle of arguing about it, me telling him how it makes me feel, his agreeing to get rid of them, and then back to him harrassing me again for more. I've given in and given up. I don't care anymore. Posing for these photos makes me feel as if I am being raped yet again and my husband doesn't care about how I feel. I feel used, exploited and victimized for the benefit of another's pleasure. I have also asked that he stop randomly groping and fondling me as often as he does and I feel that we can no longer talk or sit together without it turning to sex or talk about sex. Just the other night we were sitting on the sofa having a serious talk and for most of the time he was fondling my breast. I felt very annoyed but didn't dare say anything. I was that 12 year old girl again suffering another's desire to grope me. My husband can't even leave me alone over what I wear and regularly looks in my closet and drawers and then harrangues me for not dressing "sexy" or wearing the clothes he finds titilating. I feel that nothing is private and I have no rights to dress how I want and be "me" without being punished for it. Now, I despise the very idea of dressing in anything even remotely provocative, I can barely tolerate sexual contact and I prefer to sleep alone on the sofa so that I can feel that I have some "me" time where I am not being harrassed, groped, fondled or photographed. I am feeling as if I'm on the brink of self-destruction. I do not feel that I can discuss these matters with my husband anymore because I have lost all feelings of trust.
Comment Reply
Hello. I'm new to this forum. I found you after I typed in a search on Google about men pressuring their partners to pose for photos. Let me state, before I get into my problem, that I have enjoyed reading every comment in this thread. Okay, so here goes...
Some background...when I was 6 years old I was vaginally raped by the teenaged son of a neighbor. I was restrained and also had my mouth covered during the attack. My elder sister found me, tried to clean me up, and put my bloodied underwear into the laundry hamper. We waited for my parents to get home from work so they could be informed. I remember nothing from the time between when my sister found me and when my parents arrived home. What I do remember is that my mom saw my bloodied underwear in the hamper, and she then walked over to me with them held out and away from her, and she slapped me in the face, hard. As a consequence of this reaction to the attack on my young body, when I was later molested at the age of 12 by the husband of my mom's best friend I told nobody and kept it a secret until the age of 16. I never received formal counselling to help me deal with the issues caused by these attacks. My sister did take me to her church to speak with one of their counsellors but I walked out and never returned after he tried to blame me for these attacks on my person.
At age 18 I was dating a co-worker, and after only 3 months of knowing this man my mom pushed us into marriage. I was pregnant within weeks after getting married, and spent 13 years with a man who was a drug addict and alcoholic who beat me up, cheated on me with at least three other women, tried to murder me in my sleep, and then raped me in the shower during a drunken rage. During this attack he also vaginally raped me with a candlestick holder. We ended up having two children, born 8 years apart. When our youngest was 4 I filed for divorce after requesting that police remove my husband from our home. I lived 7 peaceful months as a single mother, and then met a man who would turn out to be a mentally unstable drug abuser. After three years of his abuse I managed to escape the relationship. About a week after I kicked him out of our home he entered the house late at night and viciously raped me vaginally and orally. I went through the humiliating of the "rape kit" collection, recounting the rape to detectives, police, the district attorney, a rape crisis counsellor, etc... In the end we only got him on an assault charge. The State I lived in at the time was strongly Mormon, my attacker was a "jack" Mormon, and his father & step-mother were Mormons in good standing, plus, the final kicker, the judge was Mormon. Because I had lived with this person "as if we were married" the judge would not rule that I had been raped. So, this was my past history, yet in spite of it I still stood strong and did not allow myself to be completely turned away from finding love with a good, decent man.
I did finally re-marry, this time to a man whom I love deeply, yet I still continue to have problems. My husband has had problems with porn addicition throughout the 11 years we have been together. On many ocassions we have discussed it, come to an agreement about how destructive it is to our relationship, and then at some point it becomes a problem again, with justifications made by my husband as to why it is really not bad for him to view it. I always cave in to his excuses and reasons just to keep the peace and to avoid dealing with the guilt, yelling, accusations and days of suffering the "cold shoulder & silence" treatment. Tied in with this is the issue of my husband's need to have photos of me naked, in pornographic poses, or in highly suggestive poses. Again, I have discussed my feelings about this many, many times, convinced him to delete or destroy these photos of me, only to have him begin harrassing me me at a later date to allow more photos. We go through the same cycle of arguing about it, me telling him how it makes me feel, his agreeing to get rid of them, and then back to him harrassing me again for more. I've given in and given up. I don't care anymore. Posing for these photos makes me feel as if I am being raped yet again and my husband doesn't care about how I feel. I feel used, exploited and victimized for the benefit of another's pleasure. I have also asked that he stop randomly groping and fondling me as often as he does and I feel that we can no longer talk or sit together without it turning to sex or talk about sex. Just the other night we were sitting on the sofa having a serious talk and for most of the time he was fondling my breast. I felt very annoyed but didn't dare say anything. I was that 12 year old girl again suffering another's desire to grope me. My husband can't even leave me alone over what I wear and regularly looks in my closet and drawers and then harrangues me for not dressing "sexy" or wearing the clothes he finds titilating. I feel that nothing is private and I have no rights to dress how I want and be "me" without being punished for it. Now, I despise the very idea of dressing in anything even remotely provocative, I can barely tolerate sexual contact and I prefer to sleep alone on the sofa so that I can feel that I have some "me" time where I am not being harrassed, groped, fondled or photographed. I am feeling as if I'm on the brink of self-destruction. I do not feel that I can discuss these matters with my husband anymore because I have lost all feelings of trust.
February 18, 2010 - 12:20pmThis Comment
Reply