BTDT (been there, done that) with my hubby. He's a workaholic and has difficulty walking away from his PC. At the same time, he doesn't hesitate to tell me to take a break from my laptop to see something he wants to show me. The world is supposed to operate on his time.
We women tend to use language like "I wish you'd..." or "it would be nice if..." I learned to talk to him the way he talks to his colleagues, directly, decisively and with a sense of purpose. Men don't ask, they tell you what they want.
But, the most telling statement my DH ever made was when he said he felt as though I didn't need his help because I did everything. So, I had to change my approach to house and home management. It's like running a business and you are partners.
As far as sharing housekeeping duties, I "let" him do the things he enjoys, like the laundry (it's like a lab experiment to him, and I don't let him touch my clothes, LOL!) or cleaning things in the kitchen (like polishing the stainless steel sink or using the dishwasher). It will take him forever to pick up papers he scatters all over our home office, but no time to whip out the furniture polish. There's a definite "trend" in what he likes to do.
When the kids were little, he had absolutely no patience for playing games and watching videos. But, he loves the History and Discovery Channels. So, we figured out how to spend some quality time by doing things the kids could learn from. The kids also figured out what they could learn from their dad that they eventually turned into their own pursuits.
Bottom line, I think that communication is the key to changing how your household is run and your family interacts. Chances are your hubby feels a little left out and unneeded, but has difficulty either admitting or expressing it.
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Hi, Anon:
BTDT (been there, done that) with my hubby. He's a workaholic and has difficulty walking away from his PC. At the same time, he doesn't hesitate to tell me to take a break from my laptop to see something he wants to show me. The world is supposed to operate on his time.
We women tend to use language like "I wish you'd..." or "it would be nice if..." I learned to talk to him the way he talks to his colleagues, directly, decisively and with a sense of purpose. Men don't ask, they tell you what they want.
But, the most telling statement my DH ever made was when he said he felt as though I didn't need his help because I did everything. So, I had to change my approach to house and home management. It's like running a business and you are partners.
As far as sharing housekeeping duties, I "let" him do the things he enjoys, like the laundry (it's like a lab experiment to him, and I don't let him touch my clothes, LOL!) or cleaning things in the kitchen (like polishing the stainless steel sink or using the dishwasher). It will take him forever to pick up papers he scatters all over our home office, but no time to whip out the furniture polish. There's a definite "trend" in what he likes to do.
When the kids were little, he had absolutely no patience for playing games and watching videos. But, he loves the History and Discovery Channels. So, we figured out how to spend some quality time by doing things the kids could learn from. The kids also figured out what they could learn from their dad that they eventually turned into their own pursuits.
Bottom line, I think that communication is the key to changing how your household is run and your family interacts. Chances are your hubby feels a little left out and unneeded, but has difficulty either admitting or expressing it.
Hope this helps!
March 23, 2009 - 7:25pmThis Comment
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