Nice advice Alysiak! Anon, I am just wondering if your husband understands his role in the parenting process. You do not mention the age of the children nor do you mention how long you two have been married. Did you talk about this matter before getting married? Has he always been like this?
Most men are programmed to be the hunters and bread winners and beyond that, they assume it is the woman's role to do the parenting. I suggest you sit down with him (privately) and ask him some tough questions without any emotion involved. Ask him what he believes to be his role at home at the end of the "bread hunting" day. Ask him if he considers to be a viable influence on building the children's character. Ask him for examples if he says YES. Ask him if he believes he is intentionally denying quality time to the kids by choosing the web or TV over them, even if his intent is not that but the children's perception of his behavior will be important.
Challenging him to ponder over those questions but not to answer right away. Set up a second private meeting with him later on in the week and then listen to him without judgement. Based on his answers you may want to suggest some parenting classes which both of you can take together
Parents leave a long term "imprint" on children's future. What they see at home will be recycle later in their lives. It is important for you to address it sooner than later and before you become more resentful. You may want to consider a compromise. He works all day and he may be stressed out from a long day at work, he needs to unwind but by mutually deciding what is best for the children, you both will learn to identify activities that can take second priority over those activities that nurture the children's emotional and physical health.
Several years ago I went through a similar experience but I used to work full time and would come home to cook, take care of the kids needs, parent them and etc, etc, etc. I began to resent him and the light went up with day and set up the time to talk to him. He had a chance to reflect on this and we made changes by setting up rules. We limited TV for one night per week (except weekends), we set aside "family reading and quiet time" and my son got 30 minutes of carpet wrestleing 3-4 nights. Eventually he volunteered to cook dinner 2-3 times per night and learned to love it to the point that I did not have to do it anymore. He and my son got the trash out and picked up dog poop. My daughter and I did other activities like dishes, laundry, etc. By the way, my kids started to do household chores since they were 5-6 years old. It has come handy now that dad is totally paralized.
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Nice advice Alysiak! Anon, I am just wondering if your husband understands his role in the parenting process. You do not mention the age of the children nor do you mention how long you two have been married. Did you talk about this matter before getting married? Has he always been like this?
Most men are programmed to be the hunters and bread winners and beyond that, they assume it is the woman's role to do the parenting. I suggest you sit down with him (privately) and ask him some tough questions without any emotion involved. Ask him what he believes to be his role at home at the end of the "bread hunting" day. Ask him if he considers to be a viable influence on building the children's character. Ask him for examples if he says YES. Ask him if he believes he is intentionally denying quality time to the kids by choosing the web or TV over them, even if his intent is not that but the children's perception of his behavior will be important.
Challenging him to ponder over those questions but not to answer right away. Set up a second private meeting with him later on in the week and then listen to him without judgement. Based on his answers you may want to suggest some parenting classes which both of you can take together
Parents leave a long term "imprint" on children's future. What they see at home will be recycle later in their lives. It is important for you to address it sooner than later and before you become more resentful. You may want to consider a compromise. He works all day and he may be stressed out from a long day at work, he needs to unwind but by mutually deciding what is best for the children, you both will learn to identify activities that can take second priority over those activities that nurture the children's emotional and physical health.
Several years ago I went through a similar experience but I used to work full time and would come home to cook, take care of the kids needs, parent them and etc, etc, etc. I began to resent him and the light went up with day and set up the time to talk to him. He had a chance to reflect on this and we made changes by setting up rules. We limited TV for one night per week (except weekends), we set aside "family reading and quiet time" and my son got 30 minutes of carpet wrestleing 3-4 nights. Eventually he volunteered to cook dinner 2-3 times per night and learned to love it to the point that I did not have to do it anymore. He and my son got the trash out and picked up dog poop. My daughter and I did other activities like dishes, laundry, etc. By the way, my kids started to do household chores since they were 5-6 years old. It has come handy now that dad is totally paralized.
I wish you well.
March 23, 2009 - 9:21pmThis Comment
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