Wow! I am not sure after finding this site if I feel better or worse - lol. I am going through a similar experience to most of the women on this post. I have been married for less than a year and I have to basically initiate sex anytime I want to be intimate with my husband. At one point, I stopped initiating the sex just to see what would happen. He didn't do anything for weeks! Finally, I got so frustrated that I caved and started initiating the sex again.
Here is our history: We have known eachother for 20 years, since we were 13. We were both childhood sweethearts although we never kissed or anything like that then. I moved away the following year, but we kept in touch on and off. He said that he would marry me one day. We started dating 10 years ago, but didn't get married because we got into a huge fight and couldn't resolve it at that time. I moved on and found someone else which later ended in divorce, but he never got married, claiming he couldn't because he was still in love with me. I had always felt the same way and struggled with this in my previous marraige - I never talked with this about anyone - but we never had an affair or ever discussed our feelings for eachother while I was still married. We lived in separate states for another 10 years and last year after my divorce he asked me to come here and we got married. *Please keep in mind he was not the reason for my divorce. I didn't know that he even still loved me until after the fact, although we remained distant friends.
Anyway, we would chat on the phone all of the time prior to our marriage because we were in separate states. He would always comment on what a healthy sexual appetitie he had and I thought it was great because I felt the same way.
But it seems odd to me because right from the "get go" he wasn't interested in sex with me and I found it odd. I am always told that I am beautiful and everwhere I go I turn heads right and left. He always remarks how lucky he is to have me and that I could have any guy, yet he doesn't want me?
I find this to be extremely painful, so I know what you ladies are going through. And the real issue shouldn't be the way you look. That isn't why your husband married you. Everyone wants to be valued and loved as a person and this should be a part of marriage and it hurts when it isn't.
My husband also always tells me how much he loves me. He is always really sweet and supportive with everything else, just not the sex. I do catch him looking at other women - which is natural, but I can't understand his distance in the bedroom and it brings me to tears on a consistent basis.
I am so hurt through all of this and I feel so sad. I have tried talking to him about this and he denies that anything is wrong. He says that he is attracted to me and still loves me, so what is going on? So I ask him if these things are true, why don't I turn you on? Why don't you ever intiate anything? I am lying here naked in front of you and there is absolutely no response from you! There have been a few times where he has rejected me in the bedroom and I have gotten so upset that I think he just gives in now instead of starting a fight, which is not good either because I never know if it is real.
I don't know what the answer is and I know that every situation is different, but the bottom line is it still hurts. And what else do you do when your man is in denial or won't communicate or lies to you? It has to be something? Right?
I wish I could just let this go, but it just hurts too much. I have also considered divorce because this has ruined my once healthy self-confidence and self image. I don't want to loose who I am, but I feel I have already lost a lot of myself and an important part of our marriage as well.
I wish all of you the best and I hope that we can all resolve these issues and come to a conclusion that will result in a happy ending. I also agree the "MAN" on this site that said it is OUR issue. That is totally true. A marriage is about two people joined togther as one. :0)
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Wow! I am not sure after finding this site if I feel better or worse - lol. I am going through a similar experience to most of the women on this post. I have been married for less than a year and I have to basically initiate sex anytime I want to be intimate with my husband. At one point, I stopped initiating the sex just to see what would happen. He didn't do anything for weeks! Finally, I got so frustrated that I caved and started initiating the sex again.
Here is our history: We have known eachother for 20 years, since we were 13. We were both childhood sweethearts although we never kissed or anything like that then. I moved away the following year, but we kept in touch on and off. He said that he would marry me one day. We started dating 10 years ago, but didn't get married because we got into a huge fight and couldn't resolve it at that time. I moved on and found someone else which later ended in divorce, but he never got married, claiming he couldn't because he was still in love with me. I had always felt the same way and struggled with this in my previous marraige - I never talked with this about anyone - but we never had an affair or ever discussed our feelings for eachother while I was still married. We lived in separate states for another 10 years and last year after my divorce he asked me to come here and we got married. *Please keep in mind he was not the reason for my divorce. I didn't know that he even still loved me until after the fact, although we remained distant friends.
Anyway, we would chat on the phone all of the time prior to our marriage because we were in separate states. He would always comment on what a healthy sexual appetitie he had and I thought it was great because I felt the same way.
But it seems odd to me because right from the "get go" he wasn't interested in sex with me and I found it odd. I am always told that I am beautiful and everwhere I go I turn heads right and left. He always remarks how lucky he is to have me and that I could have any guy, yet he doesn't want me?
I find this to be extremely painful, so I know what you ladies are going through. And the real issue shouldn't be the way you look. That isn't why your husband married you. Everyone wants to be valued and loved as a person and this should be a part of marriage and it hurts when it isn't.
My husband also always tells me how much he loves me. He is always really sweet and supportive with everything else, just not the sex. I do catch him looking at other women - which is natural, but I can't understand his distance in the bedroom and it brings me to tears on a consistent basis.
I am so hurt through all of this and I feel so sad. I have tried talking to him about this and he denies that anything is wrong. He says that he is attracted to me and still loves me, so what is going on? So I ask him if these things are true, why don't I turn you on? Why don't you ever intiate anything? I am lying here naked in front of you and there is absolutely no response from you! There have been a few times where he has rejected me in the bedroom and I have gotten so upset that I think he just gives in now instead of starting a fight, which is not good either because I never know if it is real.
I don't know what the answer is and I know that every situation is different, but the bottom line is it still hurts. And what else do you do when your man is in denial or won't communicate or lies to you? It has to be something? Right?
I wish I could just let this go, but it just hurts too much. I have also considered divorce because this has ruined my once healthy self-confidence and self image. I don't want to loose who I am, but I feel I have already lost a lot of myself and an important part of our marriage as well.
I wish all of you the best and I hope that we can all resolve these issues and come to a conclusion that will result in a happy ending. I also agree the "MAN" on this site that said it is OUR issue. That is totally true. A marriage is about two people joined togther as one. :0)
Thanks in advance to anyone reading this post.
July 14, 2009 - 10:00amThis Comment
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