It's wonderful that you spoke to your husband about your concern, and it sounds like his response was to have sex with you. So, I assume he thought he "took care of the problem", when the real problem is not the lack of sex (although it is a symptom of a larger concern/problem), but that you are feeling unloved.
I wonder...if you spoke with him about this more broad concern that you have (not just the lack of sex)? How does your husband feel about the physical AND emotional intimacy between you two? Does he want it to change as well, but just not sure how to make improvements? Does he have the time, energy or inclination to make some improvements, or is he fine with the way your relationship is at the moment?
Please have a heart-to-heart with your husband about how he is feeling in the relationship, both emotionally and physically, and see if you are both on the same page. It can take months of talking and taking time to assess the problem...try not to jump into a solution (ie, sex), as that is temporary and as you said, feels more like checking something off the list at this point.
If you two are not on the same page, does he still care emotionally about your concerns? Does he see this as a temporary "ebb-and-flow" in the relationship with the unmanageable stress, that will soon remedy itself without "big discussions"?
I'm just curious if you are diving into the past, wondering "what has happened"?, and he is just thinking "I've got to get through school, then everything will be OK...". If so, what can you two compromise on to meet some of BOTH of your needs? What can you do to make him a little less stressed, and what can he do to make you feel a little more loved? Even if it is just one hour per week...what can you both do for each other?
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It's wonderful that you spoke to your husband about your concern, and it sounds like his response was to have sex with you. So, I assume he thought he "took care of the problem", when the real problem is not the lack of sex (although it is a symptom of a larger concern/problem), but that you are feeling unloved.
I wonder...if you spoke with him about this more broad concern that you have (not just the lack of sex)? How does your husband feel about the physical AND emotional intimacy between you two? Does he want it to change as well, but just not sure how to make improvements? Does he have the time, energy or inclination to make some improvements, or is he fine with the way your relationship is at the moment?
Please have a heart-to-heart with your husband about how he is feeling in the relationship, both emotionally and physically, and see if you are both on the same page. It can take months of talking and taking time to assess the problem...try not to jump into a solution (ie, sex), as that is temporary and as you said, feels more like checking something off the list at this point.
If you two are not on the same page, does he still care emotionally about your concerns? Does he see this as a temporary "ebb-and-flow" in the relationship with the unmanageable stress, that will soon remedy itself without "big discussions"?
I'm just curious if you are diving into the past, wondering "what has happened"?, and he is just thinking "I've got to get through school, then everything will be OK...". If so, what can you two compromise on to meet some of BOTH of your needs? What can you do to make him a little less stressed, and what can he do to make you feel a little more loved? Even if it is just one hour per week...what can you both do for each other?
February 21, 2010 - 8:14amThis Comment
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