I had a kind of traumatic experience with the birth of my son (2.5 years ago, he's fine now!). I had lots of tears and stitches like you, and the doctors told me I would heal within 4 weeks. It took at least 8 weeks to feel somewhat back-to-normal. I'm not the type of person that worries all the time, but when my son was a baby (even now), I would fall asleep to images of something happening to him, and going through my possible reactions (ie, if house fire, how would I get him out safely). That alone created a lot of emotional exhaustion. My husband said he did that too, but not as much.
And, honestly, I think it took a good year before I even wanted to have sex again. We tried a few times, but all I could think about was the pain I had during delivery. My husband was very emotionally-stable about the whole thing (didn't think this was a "sign" of anything negative in our relationship, didn't pressure me into having sex, no guilt-trips or anything). My breasts felt different in a way I didn't like, so I also didn't feel very attractive or sexy. My husband and I were fine just cuddling and talking about our little baby for the first year. We did other physical things, but I wasn't really "into it" until a year later. After the year, I still had to "go through the motions" a few times (letting my husband know how I was feeling the entire time!), and eventually, I started feeling OK that sex wasn't going to hurt, I wasn't going to get pregnant again too soon, my breasts felt normal again (as well as other parts of me)...and after all of this, my brain followed-suit and I actually wanted and desired to have sex.
And, interestingly, other women friends who had kids did not experience what I did, and they were fine having sex within months of birth. Who knows if their husbands were giving them the guilt-trip, or if they really were ready, but that was not my experience. My marriage actually grew stronger from all of this, as we found other ways to be physically intimate (it makes you be creative, that's for sure!). Now, the sex is back as normal...and is even better.
Hope this isn't too much info for you... I'm interested to hear more from you!
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I forgot that I also wanted to tell you...
I had a kind of traumatic experience with the birth of my son (2.5 years ago, he's fine now!). I had lots of tears and stitches like you, and the doctors told me I would heal within 4 weeks. It took at least 8 weeks to feel somewhat back-to-normal. I'm not the type of person that worries all the time, but when my son was a baby (even now), I would fall asleep to images of something happening to him, and going through my possible reactions (ie, if house fire, how would I get him out safely). That alone created a lot of emotional exhaustion. My husband said he did that too, but not as much.
And, honestly, I think it took a good year before I even wanted to have sex again. We tried a few times, but all I could think about was the pain I had during delivery. My husband was very emotionally-stable about the whole thing (didn't think this was a "sign" of anything negative in our relationship, didn't pressure me into having sex, no guilt-trips or anything). My breasts felt different in a way I didn't like, so I also didn't feel very attractive or sexy. My husband and I were fine just cuddling and talking about our little baby for the first year. We did other physical things, but I wasn't really "into it" until a year later. After the year, I still had to "go through the motions" a few times (letting my husband know how I was feeling the entire time!), and eventually, I started feeling OK that sex wasn't going to hurt, I wasn't going to get pregnant again too soon, my breasts felt normal again (as well as other parts of me)...and after all of this, my brain followed-suit and I actually wanted and desired to have sex.
And, interestingly, other women friends who had kids did not experience what I did, and they were fine having sex within months of birth. Who knows if their husbands were giving them the guilt-trip, or if they really were ready, but that was not my experience. My marriage actually grew stronger from all of this, as we found other ways to be physically intimate (it makes you be creative, that's for sure!). Now, the sex is back as normal...and is even better.
Hope this isn't too much info for you... I'm interested to hear more from you!
March 29, 2009 - 10:12amThis Comment
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