Ladies thank you so much for your responses. To be honest this is a subject I have a difficult time talking about with anyone (Dr included) because I was brought up in a very conservative home, and was left with the impression that sex was something you just kept to yourself. Honestly, I went into my sexual life with the impression that it really was somethign for men while women just "bear and think of England" (lol ever heard that old phrase?). Anyway, before marriage I only had a few (3) limited sexual partners and none of them were experienced at all. And my husband was a virgin when we got married, so to be completely honest (and this sounds funny) we don't know much about it or things to do. Obviously we try different positions, I mean we figured that much out, but both of us grew up in very close mouthed conservative homes and it left more to the imagination and less to the actual explanation. Our problem now, is that we don't know what to try to help me get in the mood. Our intimacy in our marriage as far as communicating and just loving on our daughter has grown ten-fold stronger. But my husband misses the actual intercourse aspect of our sex life and is growing more and more frustrated.
Our daughter used to sleep in our bed, but we finally have her in her own bassinet in our room. I am working on teaching her to sleep in her own room by putting her in her crib at nap times, but so far this has not worked at night. Trust me, I want my bedroom back.
I think I don't feel "normal" because other women who I am friends with that also have young children "brag" about their sex lives. Obviously I can't know what is true and what is not, but it makes me feel as if I am lacking and one of my closest friends, whom I felt comfortable enough to share all my issues with lectured me about how I was failing in my marriage by not taking care of my husbands needs! This actually has increased my stress and I now feel pressured to provide intercourse with my husband, while I am left feeling totally unfulfilled and unhappy.
I have an appointment set with a new OBGYN that I actually met at a book club and hit it off with. I enjoyed her company and felt comfortable so I asked that my medical files be transferred to her (she works in the same office as my current OBGYN). The appt isn't until April 15 b/c she is completely booked, but I know she wants to check my hormonal balance and talk about PPD.
It's just, in the meantime, I still feel like I am failing.
To answer a few of your other questions. I work part time 3 days a week, and my mom watches my daughter (who is 6 1/2 months). My husband works 5-6 12 hour days during the week and so I do solely take care of our daughter and the housework so that he can relax when he comes home. I know diet can affect sex drive, but due to other health issues (fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) that I struggle with, my family is on a very healthy diet (no sugar or caffeine, lots of fresh veggies, organically raised meat that we purchase the animal and have butchered) so I don't believe that my diet is contributing. My daughter is not sleeping through the night, but my husband does try to do most of the feedings and take care of her through the night. I amnot breastfeeding b/c she could never figure out how to latch on despite many lactation consultants, and my milk dried up at 4 weeks. And as you mentioned Alison, I too struggle with body image... my breasts, stomach and thighs due to stretch marks, pregnancy weight that I am struggling to lose. It all makes me feel very unsexy in bed (and in general) despite my husband telling me he still finds me desireable. I also feel sometimes as though sex is going to make me "tear back open" and I think its part of what makes me so tense.
Anyway I hope the extra info helps. I just am at a loss at what to do at this point...
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Ladies thank you so much for your responses. To be honest this is a subject I have a difficult time talking about with anyone (Dr included) because I was brought up in a very conservative home, and was left with the impression that sex was something you just kept to yourself. Honestly, I went into my sexual life with the impression that it really was somethign for men while women just "bear and think of England" (lol ever heard that old phrase?). Anyway, before marriage I only had a few (3) limited sexual partners and none of them were experienced at all. And my husband was a virgin when we got married, so to be completely honest (and this sounds funny) we don't know much about it or things to do. Obviously we try different positions, I mean we figured that much out, but both of us grew up in very close mouthed conservative homes and it left more to the imagination and less to the actual explanation. Our problem now, is that we don't know what to try to help me get in the mood. Our intimacy in our marriage as far as communicating and just loving on our daughter has grown ten-fold stronger. But my husband misses the actual intercourse aspect of our sex life and is growing more and more frustrated.
Our daughter used to sleep in our bed, but we finally have her in her own bassinet in our room. I am working on teaching her to sleep in her own room by putting her in her crib at nap times, but so far this has not worked at night. Trust me, I want my bedroom back.
I think I don't feel "normal" because other women who I am friends with that also have young children "brag" about their sex lives. Obviously I can't know what is true and what is not, but it makes me feel as if I am lacking and one of my closest friends, whom I felt comfortable enough to share all my issues with lectured me about how I was failing in my marriage by not taking care of my husbands needs! This actually has increased my stress and I now feel pressured to provide intercourse with my husband, while I am left feeling totally unfulfilled and unhappy.
I have an appointment set with a new OBGYN that I actually met at a book club and hit it off with. I enjoyed her company and felt comfortable so I asked that my medical files be transferred to her (she works in the same office as my current OBGYN). The appt isn't until April 15 b/c she is completely booked, but I know she wants to check my hormonal balance and talk about PPD.
It's just, in the meantime, I still feel like I am failing.
To answer a few of your other questions. I work part time 3 days a week, and my mom watches my daughter (who is 6 1/2 months). My husband works 5-6 12 hour days during the week and so I do solely take care of our daughter and the housework so that he can relax when he comes home. I know diet can affect sex drive, but due to other health issues (fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) that I struggle with, my family is on a very healthy diet (no sugar or caffeine, lots of fresh veggies, organically raised meat that we purchase the animal and have butchered) so I don't believe that my diet is contributing. My daughter is not sleeping through the night, but my husband does try to do most of the feedings and take care of her through the night. I amnot breastfeeding b/c she could never figure out how to latch on despite many lactation consultants, and my milk dried up at 4 weeks. And as you mentioned Alison, I too struggle with body image... my breasts, stomach and thighs due to stretch marks, pregnancy weight that I am struggling to lose. It all makes me feel very unsexy in bed (and in general) despite my husband telling me he still finds me desireable. I also feel sometimes as though sex is going to make me "tear back open" and I think its part of what makes me so tense.
Anyway I hope the extra info helps. I just am at a loss at what to do at this point...
March 29, 2009 - 12:17pmThis Comment
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