We have mid-life crisis because we get to a certain point in our lives -- it could be late 30s, 40s, 50s -- when we suddenly realize that our perception of what life would be like at that age is different than what it actually IS like. Whether we have children or work in a corporate environment or both, there comes a time when we look around ourselves and notice that life as we thought it would be has changed.
Much of it is attributable to the fact that we ourselves have grown and changed and are significantly different. But I think there's not enough attributed to the fact that the WORLD changes too, and sometimes pulls the rug out from under us. Just because we make the "right" decisions -- either for work or for family -- in our 20s and 30s doesn't mean that the world will pay off for us down the road. A woman in her 40s who was a hard worker and was loyal to her company may get laid off when that company changes. A woman who stayed home with her young children may find that the workforce does not seem nearly as hospitable to her when she tries to return to work. The world keeps spinning even when we think we've stopped it a bit; it's our ability to jump forward with it that dictates whether we'll be OK or whether we're likely to fall off.
And asking for help is hard. I loved this part of the story:
"Caprino believes part of the reason for the "sicker, sadder" syndrome is that women often take on the over-functioner role, being the person who cleans up for her cleaning lady, who is not familiar with the word no, and who triple checks in a corporate culture where most don't even deign to double-check—and besides, minions are hired to do that anyway.
"There's also this: "Women could simply ask their husbands for more help," says Caprino. Indeed, the rise in women's labor force participation and earnings has not come with a concomitant rise in husbands doing more around the house. This holds true even for breadwinner wives, the 36%-and-growing cohort of women whose paychecks are fatter than their husbands', according to economist Heather Boushey. On the home front, the breadwinners still wind up doing 75% of the "domestic engineering." With more men losing their jobs than women in this recession, it will be interesting to see if this imbalance starts to even out."
So maybe instead of trying to "have it all," which is just impossible, maybe we could just "have the best." Instead of choosing it all, maybe we could just choose the best -- for ourselves, whatever that is. Of course, that means sometimes being able to live with the fact that the carpet isn't vacuumed when good friends come to visit, or the laundry sits undone because tomorrow is an important day at work. I'm not sure as women that we've learned how to let things go -- even when they are less important.
Comment Reply
Kristin, I think that story is right on target.
We have mid-life crisis because we get to a certain point in our lives -- it could be late 30s, 40s, 50s -- when we suddenly realize that our perception of what life would be like at that age is different than what it actually IS like. Whether we have children or work in a corporate environment or both, there comes a time when we look around ourselves and notice that life as we thought it would be has changed.
Much of it is attributable to the fact that we ourselves have grown and changed and are significantly different. But I think there's not enough attributed to the fact that the WORLD changes too, and sometimes pulls the rug out from under us. Just because we make the "right" decisions -- either for work or for family -- in our 20s and 30s doesn't mean that the world will pay off for us down the road. A woman in her 40s who was a hard worker and was loyal to her company may get laid off when that company changes. A woman who stayed home with her young children may find that the workforce does not seem nearly as hospitable to her when she tries to return to work. The world keeps spinning even when we think we've stopped it a bit; it's our ability to jump forward with it that dictates whether we'll be OK or whether we're likely to fall off.
And asking for help is hard. I loved this part of the story:
"Caprino believes part of the reason for the "sicker, sadder" syndrome is that women often take on the over-functioner role, being the person who cleans up for her cleaning lady, who is not familiar with the word no, and who triple checks in a corporate culture where most don't even deign to double-check—and besides, minions are hired to do that anyway.
"There's also this: "Women could simply ask their husbands for more help," says Caprino. Indeed, the rise in women's labor force participation and earnings has not come with a concomitant rise in husbands doing more around the house. This holds true even for breadwinner wives, the 36%-and-growing cohort of women whose paychecks are fatter than their husbands', according to economist Heather Boushey. On the home front, the breadwinners still wind up doing 75% of the "domestic engineering." With more men losing their jobs than women in this recession, it will be interesting to see if this imbalance starts to even out."
So maybe instead of trying to "have it all," which is just impossible, maybe we could just "have the best." Instead of choosing it all, maybe we could just choose the best -- for ourselves, whatever that is. Of course, that means sometimes being able to live with the fact that the carpet isn't vacuumed when good friends come to visit, or the laundry sits undone because tomorrow is an important day at work. I'm not sure as women that we've learned how to let things go -- even when they are less important.
April 3, 2009 - 8:24amThis Comment
Reply