I want to echo Susan's thoughts. I think you are awesome to come and ask this question, and to examine why you are lying at the times when you are.
If I read your answer correctly, though, what you are saying is that at the moment you tell the lie, you actually believe it yourself. Is that right? Is it only later when you regret what you have said?
Do you think that you believe, somewhere inside, that you are not worthy of people's affections on your own? That if you don't lie, people won't like you or sympathize with you?
I think you've made a crucial step here, but admitting this is a problem for you. I would guess that the next thing that will happen is that you WILL start to catch yourself as you tell a lie. And after that, you may be able to catch yourself right before you tell a lie. It is just a matter of becoming conscious of what you're saying and why.
There are some people who are what is called "pathological liars," who actually cannot stop themselves from lying. (Though to a greater degree than you describe). However, one of the underlying principles of this kind of lying is that there is little or no benefit to be seen. A pathological liar would lie about how much the milk cost, or whether it was raining, or where they grew up.
But you specifically understand that you are lying for sympathy or affection, which makes perfect sense considering your background.
If you would like to read about pathological lying, here is an article from the Psychiatric Times:
On the other hand, you may be what is called a "compulsive liar," who is someone who simply lies out of habit. And they point out that to someone who is used to lying, lying may actually feel better than telling the truth. Telling the truth seems more awkward to these people, because they aren't used to it. It's almost like chewing our fingernails -- we don't even notice we are doing it until later.
Here's a page that talks about the difference between pathological and compulsive liars. They even have a quiz:
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Aman,
I want to echo Susan's thoughts. I think you are awesome to come and ask this question, and to examine why you are lying at the times when you are.
If I read your answer correctly, though, what you are saying is that at the moment you tell the lie, you actually believe it yourself. Is that right? Is it only later when you regret what you have said?
Do you think that you believe, somewhere inside, that you are not worthy of people's affections on your own? That if you don't lie, people won't like you or sympathize with you?
I think you've made a crucial step here, but admitting this is a problem for you. I would guess that the next thing that will happen is that you WILL start to catch yourself as you tell a lie. And after that, you may be able to catch yourself right before you tell a lie. It is just a matter of becoming conscious of what you're saying and why.
There are some people who are what is called "pathological liars," who actually cannot stop themselves from lying. (Though to a greater degree than you describe). However, one of the underlying principles of this kind of lying is that there is little or no benefit to be seen. A pathological liar would lie about how much the milk cost, or whether it was raining, or where they grew up.
But you specifically understand that you are lying for sympathy or affection, which makes perfect sense considering your background.
If you would like to read about pathological lying, here is an article from the Psychiatric Times:
http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/1162950
On the other hand, you may be what is called a "compulsive liar," who is someone who simply lies out of habit. And they point out that to someone who is used to lying, lying may actually feel better than telling the truth. Telling the truth seems more awkward to these people, because they aren't used to it. It's almost like chewing our fingernails -- we don't even notice we are doing it until later.
Here's a page that talks about the difference between pathological and compulsive liars. They even have a quiz:
http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/confront_a_liar/public/pathological-compulsive.html
Hang in there. I think you're on your way to being able to slowly conquer this. Does you relate to any of this information? Does it help at all?
April 12, 2009 - 7:31amThis Comment
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