I'm sorry to hear you are going through this too, but it's definitely nice to have someone to talk to and to hear what they have tried and if it helped or not. I read the link you posted about aversion. Thanks for posting it. I think some of it applies to me. Definitely the part about me complaining about the lack of sex and that having the opposite affect, meaning she got tired of hearing it and it became negative.
My wife also had a very very rough relationship with her mother and she is saying that she developed a coping mechanism where she basically shuts down with any conflict. She does acknowledge that this isn't a good way to handle things, so that's cool. So, now we are going over arguments we had 6 years ago that aren't even relevant now in terms of subject matter, but she has held on to them and says that it's why she is shut down emotionally.
I personally think that it's great that we are working through some of the old stuff, but it is a desire to be close to another person that gets us through a lot of the tough times of marriage. And, the urge to be close to someone is all hormonal. So, if the Mirena is taking some of that away then working through the old stuff may help us become great friends and really understand each other, which we kind of already are and do, but in my opinion, without affection then there really isn't a marriage. It's just two friends raising a kid or kids. And, once the kids leave then it's divorce time.
I definitely wish the best for you. My wife has said that she is not taking the Mirena out. So, I'm focusing on what I can control, which is work and my relationship with my son. I realize it's probably a slow death to the marriage, but I find myself being angry if I keep thinking about our relationship, and sometimes that has hurt the relationship instead of helped it.
I'd love to hear how your marriage is doing down the road and if taking the Mirena out did finally help. Also, if you found that something else has really helped please let me know.
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I'm sorry to hear you are going through this too, but it's definitely nice to have someone to talk to and to hear what they have tried and if it helped or not. I read the link you posted about aversion. Thanks for posting it. I think some of it applies to me. Definitely the part about me complaining about the lack of sex and that having the opposite affect, meaning she got tired of hearing it and it became negative.
My wife also had a very very rough relationship with her mother and she is saying that she developed a coping mechanism where she basically shuts down with any conflict. She does acknowledge that this isn't a good way to handle things, so that's cool. So, now we are going over arguments we had 6 years ago that aren't even relevant now in terms of subject matter, but she has held on to them and says that it's why she is shut down emotionally.
I personally think that it's great that we are working through some of the old stuff, but it is a desire to be close to another person that gets us through a lot of the tough times of marriage. And, the urge to be close to someone is all hormonal. So, if the Mirena is taking some of that away then working through the old stuff may help us become great friends and really understand each other, which we kind of already are and do, but in my opinion, without affection then there really isn't a marriage. It's just two friends raising a kid or kids. And, once the kids leave then it's divorce time.
I definitely wish the best for you. My wife has said that she is not taking the Mirena out. So, I'm focusing on what I can control, which is work and my relationship with my son. I realize it's probably a slow death to the marriage, but I find myself being angry if I keep thinking about our relationship, and sometimes that has hurt the relationship instead of helped it.
I'd love to hear how your marriage is doing down the road and if taking the Mirena out did finally help. Also, if you found that something else has really helped please let me know.
November 3, 2015 - 6:29amThis Comment
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