Be easy on yourself. You've had a huge shock. I think the fact that you have been depressed and worried about it all is absolutely normal.
Is your boat big enough for someone to stay with you? I imagine that four steps is not too much to handle, but that you would benefit from someone being around for at least a few days after the surgery just to help you out. I know it will be comforting you for you to be on the boat, in familiar surroundings, but your first responsibility after the surgery will be to your body -- to heal and help it thrive as you move forward -- and so I don't want you to push yourself too far those first few days. If you have a family member or friend who would open their guest room to you for a few days, that might be even better -- though I imagine that the rocking of the boat is one thing that helps you sleep at night knowing all is well.
This is your biggest challenge, but you know what? After the surgery, it's over. You caught it early. That is HUGE. So many, many women catch their breast cancer later, and they must undergo chemotherapy and/or radiation. The surgery is scary, I know. Both physically and psychologically. But not having to fight with drugs and radiation afterward in hopes that you can eradicate it is a very big deal.
Are you a bit of a solitary soul? Is all these appointments, all this business, all these arrangements on dry land extra stressful for you? Because the "pain" in your friends' and family's voices is empathy, you know? They don't want you to have to go through this. And neither do you. But they will be your biggest strength as they support you through it. Let them in as much as you can, even though I know it's hard. It isn't that you're needy. It's more like this: In the crunch times, we're all in this together.
Tell me a little about your surgeon. Is he a general surgeon? Does he have experience with mastectomies and/or reconstructions? The fact that you like him is very important. But I think that you do have time for a second opinion. Find a specialist and when you call to make your appointment, tell them that time is very limited and ask if there's any way they can see you. A second opinion is important information. If the second opinion agrees with the first doctor, then you go ahead with even more confidence. If the second opinion disagrees with the first doctor, you have new questions to ask of both of them.
Often, your own doctor can refer you to a second doctor for another opinion. Doctors do NOT mind their patients seeking more information. I have never, once, heard a doctor who said they minded this.
And being as proactive as you can be may help you feel a little more in charge of your situation. Since you are the captain of your own boat, literally and figuratively, you are not used to feeling out of control. I think that seeking a second opinion might help you feel more in control. However, you may feel quite confident after you meet with the plastic surgeon, too. This is about you, your feelings and your level of confidence when you go under anesthesia that your doctors will take care of you, that they know your choices and that your recovery will be the easiest that is possible.
Here's what I expect for you: That you will put one foot in front of the other as you make these decisions. That you will slowly become comfortable with your wishes as to reconstruction. That your surgery will go well, and your recovery just as well. And that soon you'll be writing us from your boat saying that you just got back from sailing to somewhere fantastic, and that all is well.
I can see it.
Please keep us updated on your journey and your doctor's appointments and your thoughts. And please let us know if there is anything at all that we can research for you. EmpowHer is here for you. That's what this site is all about.
Comment Reply
Deb,
Be easy on yourself. You've had a huge shock. I think the fact that you have been depressed and worried about it all is absolutely normal.
Is your boat big enough for someone to stay with you? I imagine that four steps is not too much to handle, but that you would benefit from someone being around for at least a few days after the surgery just to help you out. I know it will be comforting you for you to be on the boat, in familiar surroundings, but your first responsibility after the surgery will be to your body -- to heal and help it thrive as you move forward -- and so I don't want you to push yourself too far those first few days. If you have a family member or friend who would open their guest room to you for a few days, that might be even better -- though I imagine that the rocking of the boat is one thing that helps you sleep at night knowing all is well.
This is your biggest challenge, but you know what? After the surgery, it's over. You caught it early. That is HUGE. So many, many women catch their breast cancer later, and they must undergo chemotherapy and/or radiation. The surgery is scary, I know. Both physically and psychologically. But not having to fight with drugs and radiation afterward in hopes that you can eradicate it is a very big deal.
Are you a bit of a solitary soul? Is all these appointments, all this business, all these arrangements on dry land extra stressful for you? Because the "pain" in your friends' and family's voices is empathy, you know? They don't want you to have to go through this. And neither do you. But they will be your biggest strength as they support you through it. Let them in as much as you can, even though I know it's hard. It isn't that you're needy. It's more like this: In the crunch times, we're all in this together.
Tell me a little about your surgeon. Is he a general surgeon? Does he have experience with mastectomies and/or reconstructions? The fact that you like him is very important. But I think that you do have time for a second opinion. Find a specialist and when you call to make your appointment, tell them that time is very limited and ask if there's any way they can see you. A second opinion is important information. If the second opinion agrees with the first doctor, then you go ahead with even more confidence. If the second opinion disagrees with the first doctor, you have new questions to ask of both of them.
Often, your own doctor can refer you to a second doctor for another opinion. Doctors do NOT mind their patients seeking more information. I have never, once, heard a doctor who said they minded this.
And being as proactive as you can be may help you feel a little more in charge of your situation. Since you are the captain of your own boat, literally and figuratively, you are not used to feeling out of control. I think that seeking a second opinion might help you feel more in control. However, you may feel quite confident after you meet with the plastic surgeon, too. This is about you, your feelings and your level of confidence when you go under anesthesia that your doctors will take care of you, that they know your choices and that your recovery will be the easiest that is possible.
Here's what I expect for you: That you will put one foot in front of the other as you make these decisions. That you will slowly become comfortable with your wishes as to reconstruction. That your surgery will go well, and your recovery just as well. And that soon you'll be writing us from your boat saying that you just got back from sailing to somewhere fantastic, and that all is well.
I can see it.
Please keep us updated on your journey and your doctor's appointments and your thoughts. And please let us know if there is anything at all that we can research for you. EmpowHer is here for you. That's what this site is all about.
May 19, 2009 - 9:36amThis Comment
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