I have been with my partner for nearly 11 years and in 7 weeks time we are getting married. He is 42 and I am 33.
We have not had sex for at least 9 years (actually I can not remember when and what the last time was like it was that long ago). Prior to this we would have sex at least once or twice each time we saw each other.
At first when the sex stopped I did not take much notice or question it as we were still seeing each other and going out enoying ourselves. He is my first and only so also did not really know what to expect.
After quite a while I strated to question him why we were no longer intimate. He said it was because he had pain caused by kidney stones/infection. I accepted this and did not push the subject. After a while I got used to not having sex or so I thought and let this situation continue. However in the end I did start asking him again but he still kept telling me he had problems with the kidney stones and that he was getting it sorted. 2 years ago he did go to hospital for tests but they told him that he was ok and had probably already passed them.
During this time I have been told that he has cheated on me but there has never been any proof so I have dismissed this. After the tests he said it give time and he would be ok.
In December he moved in with me and my family so that we could save for the wedding (which he inititated)/house. This made me feel that he was committed to our relationship and that he loved me. However living with my family is another excuse as we cannot share a room as my grandparents also live there and they are religious.
In June we went a way on holiday for two weeks and still nothing. At night I would get a quick kiss and then he would turnover and go to sleep. This all makes me feel unattractive and unwanted. It nearly caused me to have an affair when on holiday (which I never have felt before) as I was very attracted to a local we got friendly with and he made his attentions obvious.
On return from holiday I actually got quite blunt with my partner and told him what nearly happened as was missing the intimacy with him. He told me he knew it was his fault and that he would sort it but you cannot rush things. We had a weekend away booked to go and visit family and friends. So I thought this would be when things might change as we would be staying in an appartment on our own. How wrong I was. It was exactly the same except this time he was tired or had drunk too much.
We are now 13 weeks on and the only thing that has changed is that I might get the odd extra kiss or cuddle but this just seems to be when other people are around (I might be imagining this due to my frustration). I am beginning to see him as a brother/friend as I care about him and enjoy his company as we have good times when we go out. The longer this is going on I am actually getting to the point that I do not want him to touch me or be intimate especially since I met the other man on holiday.
I do not know what to do as the wedding is in 7 weeks but feel that I can not live in a relationship with no sex but I also cannot imagine not being with my partner. I am also scared that I will eventually cheat on him. What should I do?
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I have been with my partner for nearly 11 years and in 7 weeks time we are getting married. He is 42 and I am 33.
We have not had sex for at least 9 years (actually I can not remember when and what the last time was like it was that long ago). Prior to this we would have sex at least once or twice each time we saw each other.
At first when the sex stopped I did not take much notice or question it as we were still seeing each other and going out enoying ourselves. He is my first and only so also did not really know what to expect.
After quite a while I strated to question him why we were no longer intimate. He said it was because he had pain caused by kidney stones/infection. I accepted this and did not push the subject. After a while I got used to not having sex or so I thought and let this situation continue. However in the end I did start asking him again but he still kept telling me he had problems with the kidney stones and that he was getting it sorted. 2 years ago he did go to hospital for tests but they told him that he was ok and had probably already passed them.
During this time I have been told that he has cheated on me but there has never been any proof so I have dismissed this. After the tests he said it give time and he would be ok.
In December he moved in with me and my family so that we could save for the wedding (which he inititated)/house. This made me feel that he was committed to our relationship and that he loved me. However living with my family is another excuse as we cannot share a room as my grandparents also live there and they are religious.
In June we went a way on holiday for two weeks and still nothing. At night I would get a quick kiss and then he would turnover and go to sleep. This all makes me feel unattractive and unwanted. It nearly caused me to have an affair when on holiday (which I never have felt before) as I was very attracted to a local we got friendly with and he made his attentions obvious.
On return from holiday I actually got quite blunt with my partner and told him what nearly happened as was missing the intimacy with him. He told me he knew it was his fault and that he would sort it but you cannot rush things. We had a weekend away booked to go and visit family and friends. So I thought this would be when things might change as we would be staying in an appartment on our own. How wrong I was. It was exactly the same except this time he was tired or had drunk too much.
We are now 13 weeks on and the only thing that has changed is that I might get the odd extra kiss or cuddle but this just seems to be when other people are around (I might be imagining this due to my frustration). I am beginning to see him as a brother/friend as I care about him and enjoy his company as we have good times when we go out. The longer this is going on I am actually getting to the point that I do not want him to touch me or be intimate especially since I met the other man on holiday.
I do not know what to do as the wedding is in 7 weeks but feel that I can not live in a relationship with no sex but I also cannot imagine not being with my partner. I am also scared that I will eventually cheat on him. What should I do?
September 8, 2009 - 5:32amThis Comment
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