I'm so glad to have run into reading this forum as a lot of you were. It's one of those things that I don't want to talk about with my girlfriends. It's embarrassing to say the least. I'm sure they would understand, but I'm pretty sure that they won't either. We're both in our twenties. We're on the venture of obtaining what we want in life, together for the most part. There are stresses, impulses, problems we both face individually, but who doesn't? After a while, the ongoing lacking becomes another stressor. It feels like a cage I can't get out of. As if I need to accept it. But, deep down, I know I can't. He loves me, and I love him, but it makes me wonder if love needs to negotiate.
We've been together for 2 years now, engaged. We used to have sex a lot in the beginning of the relationship, due to the sparks and all that jazz. Time went by, he moved away, we still stayed together, and seeing him irregularly made it a lot more exciting, so, the excitement was still in a healthy working gear. We moved in together eventually. We are also now engaged. After a while, and as the relationship moved forward, I got very sick. It took months of therapy to get out of it, and I truly do believe that he was very stressed out. I'm fine now.... it's just that, the aftermath of those experiences still resonate because of the lack of....how can I put it.....advances he has made. I have confronted him about it, to a point where we're fighting, yelling, and bickering. The thought of being unwanted suffocates the hell out of me. I've realized, that it's not so much the sex now. It's something else. This problem is so personal to each one of us who are going through it because we go through the steps of blaming him/ourselves/situations..... it negatively affects what goes on inside. Since we've fought about it so much, when I make advances, I'm always so wary. When we do end up actually having sex, I feel like I'm the one who wants it most. I want to feel like he wants it just as much. It feels like pity sex, and it's not as enjoyable. It'd be nice to be ravaged, plundered into pleasure that makes me feel like he wants every part of me in that one act. Sex can be just a physical act, but can be much more than a physical act as well for those who are in committed relationsihps. I don't think emotions play a bigger role for women with sex than men when they love each other. I think knowing that disturbs the hell out of me because I'm feeling something for him that he's not feeling for me. That's the saddest part of this ordeal.
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I'm so glad to have run into reading this forum as a lot of you were. It's one of those things that I don't want to talk about with my girlfriends. It's embarrassing to say the least. I'm sure they would understand, but I'm pretty sure that they won't either. We're both in our twenties. We're on the venture of obtaining what we want in life, together for the most part. There are stresses, impulses, problems we both face individually, but who doesn't? After a while, the ongoing lacking becomes another stressor. It feels like a cage I can't get out of. As if I need to accept it. But, deep down, I know I can't. He loves me, and I love him, but it makes me wonder if love needs to negotiate.
We've been together for 2 years now, engaged. We used to have sex a lot in the beginning of the relationship, due to the sparks and all that jazz. Time went by, he moved away, we still stayed together, and seeing him irregularly made it a lot more exciting, so, the excitement was still in a healthy working gear. We moved in together eventually. We are also now engaged. After a while, and as the relationship moved forward, I got very sick. It took months of therapy to get out of it, and I truly do believe that he was very stressed out. I'm fine now.... it's just that, the aftermath of those experiences still resonate because of the lack of....how can I put it.....advances he has made. I have confronted him about it, to a point where we're fighting, yelling, and bickering. The thought of being unwanted suffocates the hell out of me. I've realized, that it's not so much the sex now. It's something else. This problem is so personal to each one of us who are going through it because we go through the steps of blaming him/ourselves/situations..... it negatively affects what goes on inside. Since we've fought about it so much, when I make advances, I'm always so wary. When we do end up actually having sex, I feel like I'm the one who wants it most. I want to feel like he wants it just as much. It feels like pity sex, and it's not as enjoyable. It'd be nice to be ravaged, plundered into pleasure that makes me feel like he wants every part of me in that one act. Sex can be just a physical act, but can be much more than a physical act as well for those who are in committed relationsihps. I don't think emotions play a bigger role for women with sex than men when they love each other. I think knowing that disturbs the hell out of me because I'm feeling something for him that he's not feeling for me. That's the saddest part of this ordeal.
November 7, 2009 - 12:19amThis Comment
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