I feel awful. I can't stop crying and feeling awful. I think my boyfriend is a bit more stressed now, but he is often stressed. When we met we were apart 3 days a week (he worked in another city during the summer, but we are in the same city for school) but those 4 days he was back we did it almost all the time. Those days weren't as stressful as it's been since school and work started back up, but I still want it almost every night, and I am stressed too! He keeps just falling asleep or saying he wants to but is too tired or saying he just wants to cuddle and I just cry while he sleeps. He had a problem with porn a while back, and it really bothered me. He said it bothered him too and that he's quit. I mostly believe him. After we had the big talk about that, we were doing it every day and I thought things were going to get good again, but that stopped. I think he was just doing it to prove some point.
I love him so much and we are getting ready to move in together and have talked about marriage and moving to another city. I've changed a lot--or am willing to change a lot--to be with him. In many ways he takes very good care of me, but I feel so completely undesirable and ugly. At the beginning I felt so incredible; I'd never felt so attractive and wanted. This morning we were going to do it but he wanted me to be on top and I couldn't because I just felt so ugly. He wasn't willing to switch positions OR spend time reassuring me. He just said he had to get up and get ready to head to campus.
I'm sure he isn't cheating on me, I just don't know what's going on. Maybe he just doesn't find me attractive anymore. He keeps saying I'm his baby and he tells me he loves me all the time and is affectionate, but just cuddling makes me feel bad when I want him so much. And then he says that I'm being mean. I was going to say we were more open about sex earlier on (we've been together 5 months which I know is a short time, but he is already my best friend and I've known since early on that I want to be with him) but I don't know if that's entirely true. I don't know how to get him to talk about this. I don't know what's going on. I keep thinking maybe I ought to suggest taking a break but I really don't want to; I know I'd be suggesting it just to see if it would get him to work with me on this. And this morning we took a shower and it was awful I just started to cry. I asked him to just tell me if he doesn't want me anymore; I'd rather just know what's going on. All he said was that he does, but I wasn't convinced.
The more I'm thinking about it, the more I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want me. I don't know what to do with that.
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I feel awful. I can't stop crying and feeling awful. I think my boyfriend is a bit more stressed now, but he is often stressed. When we met we were apart 3 days a week (he worked in another city during the summer, but we are in the same city for school) but those 4 days he was back we did it almost all the time. Those days weren't as stressful as it's been since school and work started back up, but I still want it almost every night, and I am stressed too! He keeps just falling asleep or saying he wants to but is too tired or saying he just wants to cuddle and I just cry while he sleeps. He had a problem with porn a while back, and it really bothered me. He said it bothered him too and that he's quit. I mostly believe him. After we had the big talk about that, we were doing it every day and I thought things were going to get good again, but that stopped. I think he was just doing it to prove some point.
I love him so much and we are getting ready to move in together and have talked about marriage and moving to another city. I've changed a lot--or am willing to change a lot--to be with him. In many ways he takes very good care of me, but I feel so completely undesirable and ugly. At the beginning I felt so incredible; I'd never felt so attractive and wanted. This morning we were going to do it but he wanted me to be on top and I couldn't because I just felt so ugly. He wasn't willing to switch positions OR spend time reassuring me. He just said he had to get up and get ready to head to campus.
I'm sure he isn't cheating on me, I just don't know what's going on. Maybe he just doesn't find me attractive anymore. He keeps saying I'm his baby and he tells me he loves me all the time and is affectionate, but just cuddling makes me feel bad when I want him so much. And then he says that I'm being mean. I was going to say we were more open about sex earlier on (we've been together 5 months which I know is a short time, but he is already my best friend and I've known since early on that I want to be with him) but I don't know if that's entirely true. I don't know how to get him to talk about this. I don't know what's going on. I keep thinking maybe I ought to suggest taking a break but I really don't want to; I know I'd be suggesting it just to see if it would get him to work with me on this. And this morning we took a shower and it was awful I just started to cry. I asked him to just tell me if he doesn't want me anymore; I'd rather just know what's going on. All he said was that he does, but I wasn't convinced.
The more I'm thinking about it, the more I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want me. I don't know what to do with that.
November 13, 2009 - 10:33amThis Comment
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