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Since your husband is 40 years old, I'm wondering if he has spoken with his own doctor about getting tested? I'm surprised that his doctor would talk with you "behind his back", but hopefully his doctor will talk with him and ask him questions. Please know that your husband can refuse the tests, and I would think it is more important for you and him to talk about this, rather than you ask for tests on behalf of your husband?

Whether or not your husband's lack of desire is a medical condition or not, the important thing is that you feel he can communicate openly with you about his feelings, concerns and frustrations without feeling that you are trying to control the situation (am I reading too much into your ordering tests for your husband, without his permission??). I hope that he has some concern for you and your needs, and that in a healthy and happy marriage of 21 years you both know there are ebbs-and-flows, but that most importantly there is open, honest communication and you can both come up with solutions together (medical testing, couples counseling, etc) if the other one is unhappy.