Does your boyfriend know that you are wondering about his sexuality, or is it possible that he just put up that picture because you were having a fight and he knew it would bug you?
Let's say for a moment that you're right, and your boyfriend has learned that he is gay. He may not have actually known it for all the time you have been together. You say that you had sex 3-5 times a week just a year ago; perhaps before that, he had inklings but really hadn't faced the possibility.
And if that's the case, he was then faced with this choice: tell this woman he has been with for years that he is gay, or wait a while and do it later. I doubt that even if he is gay, the last years have all been a coverup. I would be more likely to believe that he's very torn between leaving the safety of your relationship -- or becoming what he thinks may be his true self.
Can you just have a serious conversation about what the picture on the computer means, and whether he's using it to try to tell you something?
What are the other kinds of things that you think it all makes sense now? Being metrosexual, loving to dance or masturbating doesn't make someone gay. Have the two of you put off marriage at his request? Have you had problems in the bedroom that seemed to have no explanation?
I think the only thing for you to do is sit down and talk, seriously. To tell him that his behavior is now giving you thoughts and suspicions that you need to ask him about. And that you want him to take your seriously when you ask. And then just ask it? Are you gay?
At that point, depending on his answer, you'll have to decide what to do for yourself. If he says yes, then you have to deal with that. And you will, by putting one foot in front of the other, depending on friends and family, and slowly moving forward. If he says no, you will have to decide if you believe him.
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Anon,
Does your boyfriend know that you are wondering about his sexuality, or is it possible that he just put up that picture because you were having a fight and he knew it would bug you?
Let's say for a moment that you're right, and your boyfriend has learned that he is gay. He may not have actually known it for all the time you have been together. You say that you had sex 3-5 times a week just a year ago; perhaps before that, he had inklings but really hadn't faced the possibility.
And if that's the case, he was then faced with this choice: tell this woman he has been with for years that he is gay, or wait a while and do it later. I doubt that even if he is gay, the last years have all been a coverup. I would be more likely to believe that he's very torn between leaving the safety of your relationship -- or becoming what he thinks may be his true self.
Can you just have a serious conversation about what the picture on the computer means, and whether he's using it to try to tell you something?
What are the other kinds of things that you think it all makes sense now? Being metrosexual, loving to dance or masturbating doesn't make someone gay. Have the two of you put off marriage at his request? Have you had problems in the bedroom that seemed to have no explanation?
I think the only thing for you to do is sit down and talk, seriously. To tell him that his behavior is now giving you thoughts and suspicions that you need to ask him about. And that you want him to take your seriously when you ask. And then just ask it? Are you gay?
At that point, depending on his answer, you'll have to decide what to do for yourself. If he says yes, then you have to deal with that. And you will, by putting one foot in front of the other, depending on friends and family, and slowly moving forward. If he says no, you will have to decide if you believe him.
Do you feel that you can have that conversation?
December 31, 2009 - 9:34amThis Comment
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