Oh gosh, although I feel for all of you going through all of this, its a huge relief to hear that I'm in no way alone on this.
I've been with my partner now for three and a half years, and were friends before for about five - y'know that saying "if your man is down and out, you have to get up and on"? Well, it feels like I've been having to do this for over a year now. In the past 18 months, it has always been me to initiate any intimacy under the covers, to which he used to respond without much enthusiasm and we could only ever have sex on his terms (which is in the morning when both of have a day off, which is pretty rare), which soon turned to telling me off about having a 'high libido' (which to tell you the truth, wanting to sleep with your partner twice a week isn't all that extortionate)... and now he just rolls over and doesn't want to know. He's even stopped any contact now before we go to sleep like hugs etc. - I may as well not even be there. And the knowledge that he doesn't want to even tough me makes me want to distance myself.
When I realised that we hadn't had sex in nearly 2 months, I brought it up with him. He says that sex makes him feel 'stressed'... I asked him kindly what it is that he might be nervous about, and his response, as with all of his answers to any of my questions were "I don't know". (All the plumbing definitely works down there, so its not that he can't perform, as it were). Now, I do most things for him when I'm there (about 60-70% of the week) I end up having to do everything for him - cook his meals, tidy up after him, be his taxi, the list is endless, because he just won't do it for himself, and now he tells me that it's up to ME to make sure that he "eats right" to try and stop this whole bedroom problem. So he'll change and sort the problem, but only if I do it for him. Anything that happens is always down to ME to sort out for him, and its driving me f*£%!king nuts. He's becoming more and more passive, I just don't know what to do - he gets angry at things where he never did before, he's started talking down to me like I'm some idiot, and it just doesn't feel like his heart is in it in any way... I get so frustrated and upset, I just don't know what to do. He doesn't support me in the way that I support him, in fact I'd go as far as to say that he doesn't support me at all - zero. So far there's been nothing I can do to help, I don't understand why this is happening. He would never go to a doctor or anything, but I'm tempted to make him an appointment and take him in there myself, in case this is the first sign of a larger problem. For a 23 year old guy (I'm 25) it strikes me as being quite unusual. It just seems that the more I do for him, the less he want to know, and its killing me - I hate to see him changing like this.
I don't *think* he's cheating, I've no idea if or how much porn he watches or anything (I mean, I know that he has, but he's very secretive about it). I'm so glad I've found somewhere to write this! I just don't know what to do.
C
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Oh gosh, although I feel for all of you going through all of this, its a huge relief to hear that I'm in no way alone on this.
I've been with my partner now for three and a half years, and were friends before for about five - y'know that saying "if your man is down and out, you have to get up and on"? Well, it feels like I've been having to do this for over a year now. In the past 18 months, it has always been me to initiate any intimacy under the covers, to which he used to respond without much enthusiasm and we could only ever have sex on his terms (which is in the morning when both of have a day off, which is pretty rare), which soon turned to telling me off about having a 'high libido' (which to tell you the truth, wanting to sleep with your partner twice a week isn't all that extortionate)... and now he just rolls over and doesn't want to know. He's even stopped any contact now before we go to sleep like hugs etc. - I may as well not even be there. And the knowledge that he doesn't want to even tough me makes me want to distance myself.
When I realised that we hadn't had sex in nearly 2 months, I brought it up with him. He says that sex makes him feel 'stressed'... I asked him kindly what it is that he might be nervous about, and his response, as with all of his answers to any of my questions were "I don't know". (All the plumbing definitely works down there, so its not that he can't perform, as it were). Now, I do most things for him when I'm there (about 60-70% of the week) I end up having to do everything for him - cook his meals, tidy up after him, be his taxi, the list is endless, because he just won't do it for himself, and now he tells me that it's up to ME to make sure that he "eats right" to try and stop this whole bedroom problem. So he'll change and sort the problem, but only if I do it for him. Anything that happens is always down to ME to sort out for him, and its driving me f*£%!king nuts. He's becoming more and more passive, I just don't know what to do - he gets angry at things where he never did before, he's started talking down to me like I'm some idiot, and it just doesn't feel like his heart is in it in any way... I get so frustrated and upset, I just don't know what to do. He doesn't support me in the way that I support him, in fact I'd go as far as to say that he doesn't support me at all - zero. So far there's been nothing I can do to help, I don't understand why this is happening. He would never go to a doctor or anything, but I'm tempted to make him an appointment and take him in there myself, in case this is the first sign of a larger problem. For a 23 year old guy (I'm 25) it strikes me as being quite unusual. It just seems that the more I do for him, the less he want to know, and its killing me - I hate to see him changing like this.
I don't *think* he's cheating, I've no idea if or how much porn he watches or anything (I mean, I know that he has, but he's very secretive about it). I'm so glad I've found somewhere to write this! I just don't know what to do.
April 26, 2010 - 3:08pmC
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