Dear Kitty,
Your love for your boyfriend is admirable. The fact that you would stay with him even without the sex shows that you truly care about him a lot. Although sex can produce some powerful emotions in us, it can also get in the way of truly getting to know the person. We start to crave each other's presence because of the physical intimacy, the good feelings we feel from having sex. Two years ago I met a woman who introduced me to sex for the first time, and we were sexually active for about 11 months, but in the beginning of our relationship, we were not having sex and we were praying to God and going to church together, and the intimacy I felt with her was amazing. However as we continued having sex, eventually sex was all I could think about, and I began to objectify her and crave her body more than her mind. This is the pitfall men fall into when they start having sex with a woman outside of the context of a loving, committed relationship called Marriage. When God is not the center of the relationship, Sex can become like God. It's addicting, and it feels fun at the time, but over time, it actually distances the minds of two people from each other. If your boyfriend is not only not sexually active with you, but also distant emotionally- like he is in another place... like he doesn't want to cuddle with you or kiss you or share intimate details of his day with you, there is a good chance he has fallen victim to seeking the fulfillment of his desires in other places than you. There are ways you can find out whether this is the case. Don't be afraid to ask some really tough questions, but you have to know that he still loves you or the relationship, I'm afraid, is not worth saving. If you feel the need to be affirmed in an affectionate matter, say to him, "Sweety, I would really just like you to wrap your arms around me and hold me for awhile, and tell me that you love me. I'm feeling distant from you, like you've been somewhere else lately, and I miss having you close to me." His reaction will tell you everything you need to know. If he denies your request, doesn't look you in the eye, and comes up with some excuse for why he cannot do that, I'm afraid his affection for you has ended, and he's only sticking around because he's grown accustomed to being around you. Any man who truly loves his woman is much more interested in "just" sex. He wants to make her feel like a princess. That is his goal in life- to make you feel precious. If he is not willing to give you a little affection when you sincerely ask for it, it is time to move on. But if you do move on, before you get into your next relationship, pray to God to send you a man who will honor you and love you for who you are. Not a man who will look you up and down like a piece of meat, and tell you whatever you want to hear so long as you will fulfill his sexual fantasies. The man needs to be the rock in the relationship. And when you sincerely ask God and trust him to find a man for you who will love you for who you are, instead of manipulate you with smooth words so you will have sex with him, your eyes will start opening, and you will begin to make better choices about who you bring into your life. Now, if you truly love this man, with all your heart soul and body, and would truly die for him, then perhaps it is a good thing that he no longer desires sex with you. As I said before, sex can blur our eyes and emotions about the true reality of who the other person is. If you pray to God for your boyfriend's soul, if you desire to spend eternity with your boyfriend in Paradise with God and Jesus and the rest of the saints, pray for him. And ask him to pray for you. Eventually you will start to see his true character, God will make it as plain as the Sun in the sky to you. You'll either see a knight in shining armor, who just got a little roughed up along the way and needed some guidance of his own, or you'll see a true coward- a man who cares for nothing and nobody but himself. The sooner you find this truth about your man the better. Best wishes to you and your future relationships. Remember, Put God First.
Blessings
Christopher
The Bipolar Man
[personal information deleted by EmpowHER moderator]
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Dear Kitty,
October 15, 2010 - 1:24amYour love for your boyfriend is admirable. The fact that you would stay with him even without the sex shows that you truly care about him a lot. Although sex can produce some powerful emotions in us, it can also get in the way of truly getting to know the person. We start to crave each other's presence because of the physical intimacy, the good feelings we feel from having sex. Two years ago I met a woman who introduced me to sex for the first time, and we were sexually active for about 11 months, but in the beginning of our relationship, we were not having sex and we were praying to God and going to church together, and the intimacy I felt with her was amazing. However as we continued having sex, eventually sex was all I could think about, and I began to objectify her and crave her body more than her mind. This is the pitfall men fall into when they start having sex with a woman outside of the context of a loving, committed relationship called Marriage. When God is not the center of the relationship, Sex can become like God. It's addicting, and it feels fun at the time, but over time, it actually distances the minds of two people from each other. If your boyfriend is not only not sexually active with you, but also distant emotionally- like he is in another place... like he doesn't want to cuddle with you or kiss you or share intimate details of his day with you, there is a good chance he has fallen victim to seeking the fulfillment of his desires in other places than you. There are ways you can find out whether this is the case. Don't be afraid to ask some really tough questions, but you have to know that he still loves you or the relationship, I'm afraid, is not worth saving. If you feel the need to be affirmed in an affectionate matter, say to him, "Sweety, I would really just like you to wrap your arms around me and hold me for awhile, and tell me that you love me. I'm feeling distant from you, like you've been somewhere else lately, and I miss having you close to me." His reaction will tell you everything you need to know. If he denies your request, doesn't look you in the eye, and comes up with some excuse for why he cannot do that, I'm afraid his affection for you has ended, and he's only sticking around because he's grown accustomed to being around you. Any man who truly loves his woman is much more interested in "just" sex. He wants to make her feel like a princess. That is his goal in life- to make you feel precious. If he is not willing to give you a little affection when you sincerely ask for it, it is time to move on. But if you do move on, before you get into your next relationship, pray to God to send you a man who will honor you and love you for who you are. Not a man who will look you up and down like a piece of meat, and tell you whatever you want to hear so long as you will fulfill his sexual fantasies. The man needs to be the rock in the relationship. And when you sincerely ask God and trust him to find a man for you who will love you for who you are, instead of manipulate you with smooth words so you will have sex with him, your eyes will start opening, and you will begin to make better choices about who you bring into your life. Now, if you truly love this man, with all your heart soul and body, and would truly die for him, then perhaps it is a good thing that he no longer desires sex with you. As I said before, sex can blur our eyes and emotions about the true reality of who the other person is. If you pray to God for your boyfriend's soul, if you desire to spend eternity with your boyfriend in Paradise with God and Jesus and the rest of the saints, pray for him. And ask him to pray for you. Eventually you will start to see his true character, God will make it as plain as the Sun in the sky to you. You'll either see a knight in shining armor, who just got a little roughed up along the way and needed some guidance of his own, or you'll see a true coward- a man who cares for nothing and nobody but himself. The sooner you find this truth about your man the better. Best wishes to you and your future relationships. Remember, Put God First.
Blessings
Christopher
The Bipolar Man
[personal information deleted by EmpowHER moderator]
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