Hi Everyone,
I'm new to this site but I was searching for this very subject when I found it. I'm so surprised that there are so many women going through the same thing that I am. It's funny to me how the stereotype is that women don't want it and yet it seems that there are many of us who do and yet are "starved" by the ones who mean the most to us. I've been pondering this dilema for a while now and I'm at a loss for a solution. I've tried it all. We've talked it out many times and he seems to understand when we talk but nothing changes.
Here's a summary of my personal situation. I'm a very young 41 and he's 39. We've been together for 3 1/2 years now. He's lived with me for almost 3 years and our sex life has steadily declined. From the start, he knew that I had a very high sex drive (along with some alternative preferences). He also knew that I was previously married and my ex and I also ended up in a basically sexless relationship long before it ended. That relationship lastest 13 years and by the end of it we were intimate only once every two or three months. This relationship is already at that point and it's driving me crazy. He loves me dearly and is very affectionate but I think the passion is dead. It's just not there anymore. The bizarre part is that he asked me to marry him a couple of months ago and I said yes. He's wonderful and if we could fix this problem for the long term I'd be very happy.
However, as it is I feel like I'm slowly dying inside. My self-esteem is at an all time low. My resentment and anger towards him is growing daily and I don't know what to do. If he does touch me now, I either think "He's just doing this because I've been bugging him about it." or "He's just horny and I happen to be the available body." I'm at the point that I would like to stop our sexual activity altogether so that I don't get my hopes up that things will change anymore. It's almost like as it's happening, I'm thinking "So what. It's going to be three months before anything happens again so why bother?"
I'm very close to asking him if he'd agree to ending the sexual part of our life together and whether he'd be okay if I found a lover on the side. I don't want to end a relationship that is otherwise good but I don't want to resent him for killing off a big part of me. I could never cheat on him without his knowing and understanding why. Does anyone have any thoughts on this idea? I'd appreciate input. I'm thinking of talking to him about it AGAIN tomorrow.
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Hi Everyone,
I'm new to this site but I was searching for this very subject when I found it. I'm so surprised that there are so many women going through the same thing that I am. It's funny to me how the stereotype is that women don't want it and yet it seems that there are many of us who do and yet are "starved" by the ones who mean the most to us. I've been pondering this dilema for a while now and I'm at a loss for a solution. I've tried it all. We've talked it out many times and he seems to understand when we talk but nothing changes.
Here's a summary of my personal situation. I'm a very young 41 and he's 39. We've been together for 3 1/2 years now. He's lived with me for almost 3 years and our sex life has steadily declined. From the start, he knew that I had a very high sex drive (along with some alternative preferences). He also knew that I was previously married and my ex and I also ended up in a basically sexless relationship long before it ended. That relationship lastest 13 years and by the end of it we were intimate only once every two or three months. This relationship is already at that point and it's driving me crazy. He loves me dearly and is very affectionate but I think the passion is dead. It's just not there anymore. The bizarre part is that he asked me to marry him a couple of months ago and I said yes. He's wonderful and if we could fix this problem for the long term I'd be very happy.
However, as it is I feel like I'm slowly dying inside. My self-esteem is at an all time low. My resentment and anger towards him is growing daily and I don't know what to do. If he does touch me now, I either think "He's just doing this because I've been bugging him about it." or "He's just horny and I happen to be the available body." I'm at the point that I would like to stop our sexual activity altogether so that I don't get my hopes up that things will change anymore. It's almost like as it's happening, I'm thinking "So what. It's going to be three months before anything happens again so why bother?"
I'm very close to asking him if he'd agree to ending the sexual part of our life together and whether he'd be okay if I found a lover on the side. I don't want to end a relationship that is otherwise good but I don't want to resent him for killing off a big part of me. I could never cheat on him without his knowing and understanding why. Does anyone have any thoughts on this idea? I'd appreciate input. I'm thinking of talking to him about it AGAIN tomorrow.
Thanks for listening.
October 15, 2010 - 11:36pmThis Comment
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