Hi Anonymous,
Thanks for your comment, and for finding EmpowHER. I think everyone knows that in most relationships, particularly when you "settle down" like you and your parter have, there is a natural tapering off of the sex. A month and a half does seem like a long time. It sounds like it bothers you. Do you try to initiate sex? Who usually initiates it on that month and a half? How are you and your partner intimate in other ways? When's the last time you two went out on a date or did something together you like to do? What was that?
If you can remove some pressure from the sex, and focus on what's good in your relationship, maybe it may be easier to get back to where you want to be. If you're still not happy, then I guess you can be happy you're not married yet. There is no reason why you can't say, "Hey, maybe it's time we tried something different." Whatever that means for you two. Just be clear on what that is, and try and avoid drama. It's not easy, because there's a lot of emotion built up in three and a half years, particularly if this is your first serious relationship. It's up to you, and just remember that you deserve to be happy in this relationship. Think about what you need, and don't settle. There is a book called "The Five Love Languages" that may help you figure out what it is you need, and how your partner is in relationships--maybe you can read it together (wishful thinking?).
Here also is an article that may help give you some insight: Relationship 911
Good luck and let us know how you're doing, or how else we can help.
-Christine
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Hi Anonymous,
October 27, 2010 - 7:59amThanks for your comment, and for finding EmpowHER. I think everyone knows that in most relationships, particularly when you "settle down" like you and your parter have, there is a natural tapering off of the sex. A month and a half does seem like a long time. It sounds like it bothers you. Do you try to initiate sex? Who usually initiates it on that month and a half? How are you and your partner intimate in other ways? When's the last time you two went out on a date or did something together you like to do? What was that?
If you can remove some pressure from the sex, and focus on what's good in your relationship, maybe it may be easier to get back to where you want to be. If you're still not happy, then I guess you can be happy you're not married yet. There is no reason why you can't say, "Hey, maybe it's time we tried something different." Whatever that means for you two. Just be clear on what that is, and try and avoid drama. It's not easy, because there's a lot of emotion built up in three and a half years, particularly if this is your first serious relationship. It's up to you, and just remember that you deserve to be happy in this relationship. Think about what you need, and don't settle. There is a book called "The Five Love Languages" that may help you figure out what it is you need, and how your partner is in relationships--maybe you can read it together (wishful thinking?).
Here also is an article that may help give you some insight:
Relationship 911
Good luck and let us know how you're doing, or how else we can help.
-Christine
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