Very interesting stuff. I am a guy, married for 8 years and followed the same pattern as many on here, except we never had that hot and heavy period - it was slow to begin with, and got up to medium, maybe 1-3 times a week before we got married (together 7 years prior to marriage), but after that (now 8 years into marriage) it has gradually slowed to just once every month or two. a couple of yrs ago I avoided her like the plague when she started talking about wanting children. It absolutely killed my drive. So that's something to consider. But we went on vacation and something about the excitement and relaxation of a tropical vacation, that really stirs up the pot, so we had great vacation sex and ended up pregnant. So now we have a beautiful 1 yr old girl and are back to our slow sex pattern. I am ok with it, I have never had much of a libido. We don't talk about it, so I don't know if she is sexually frustrated. I do know that we are each other's entire worlds. We have our own interests but at the end of the day, it's us and now our daughter. We talk about everything, we argue about things like politics and child raising etc. but there is this deep mutual respect.
Boring right? What's the point? Here's my take.
If your man doesn't want sex, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong. It's supposed to slow down over time. If you want to make sex a top priority in your relationship, then you need to be forward about it. If he can't deal with that, then you aren't a good fit.
I mentioned previously about "vacation sex." There is something to that. Going on vacation, or having some other exciting change in life, tends to notch up the passion. Maybe you can find ways to excite your man. Think outside the box. It isn't always about sexy underwear. Maybe you can surprise him with something totally out there - like go skydiving or go to a concert or something that he wouldn't expect - that is what is going to lower his guard and make him relax. Everyone is different so there is not one answer that will work for everybody.
Last thing, if you are sending signals that you are unhappy or unsatisfied or frustrated with him, believe me, he is noticing, and unfortunately it is NOT going to fix him, it will only make it worse. Anyway thanks for reading and I hope this can help somebody.
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Very interesting stuff. I am a guy, married for 8 years and followed the same pattern as many on here, except we never had that hot and heavy period - it was slow to begin with, and got up to medium, maybe 1-3 times a week before we got married (together 7 years prior to marriage), but after that (now 8 years into marriage) it has gradually slowed to just once every month or two. a couple of yrs ago I avoided her like the plague when she started talking about wanting children. It absolutely killed my drive. So that's something to consider. But we went on vacation and something about the excitement and relaxation of a tropical vacation, that really stirs up the pot, so we had great vacation sex and ended up pregnant. So now we have a beautiful 1 yr old girl and are back to our slow sex pattern. I am ok with it, I have never had much of a libido. We don't talk about it, so I don't know if she is sexually frustrated. I do know that we are each other's entire worlds. We have our own interests but at the end of the day, it's us and now our daughter. We talk about everything, we argue about things like politics and child raising etc. but there is this deep mutual respect.
January 12, 2011 - 5:38pmBoring right? What's the point? Here's my take.
If your man doesn't want sex, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong. It's supposed to slow down over time. If you want to make sex a top priority in your relationship, then you need to be forward about it. If he can't deal with that, then you aren't a good fit.
I mentioned previously about "vacation sex." There is something to that. Going on vacation, or having some other exciting change in life, tends to notch up the passion. Maybe you can find ways to excite your man. Think outside the box. It isn't always about sexy underwear. Maybe you can surprise him with something totally out there - like go skydiving or go to a concert or something that he wouldn't expect - that is what is going to lower his guard and make him relax. Everyone is different so there is not one answer that will work for everybody.
Last thing, if you are sending signals that you are unhappy or unsatisfied or frustrated with him, believe me, he is noticing, and unfortunately it is NOT going to fix him, it will only make it worse. Anyway thanks for reading and I hope this can help somebody.
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