My boyfriend and intimate friends would say that I am comfortable with my sexuality, although I chose to remain mostly modest in public and have only had a few partners. My choices with regard to attire and behavior are driven much more by the rape culture in the US than by how I "feel" about sex. It is easy to say a rape or sexual assault "shouldn't" be the woman's fault for how she was dressed or behaved. The reality is that many Americans, upon hearing someone was raped after a night at the bar, will think that she probably had too much to drink and was acting like a floozy around the men in the bar. No one comes out and says "she asked for it" but that is unfortunately what is implied and what the victim often feels after telling friends and family about it. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR RAPE AND ASSAULT, but I have seen it happen time and time again (I am an advocate for sexual assault victims...even their families, mothers, sisters can react this way when confronted with the truth).
My advice is to do whatever you feel comfortable doing, don't take drinks or anything else from a man, even an acquaintance, that you don't plan on having sex with, and learn how to defend yourself. When a woman you know confides that she has been raped or assaulted, don't ask her what she was wearing or why she got in the car/didn't fight harder/took the drink - just listen and ask what you can do to support her. And if you are ever in a rape or sexual assault situation, I have two words: Shoot him.
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My boyfriend and intimate friends would say that I am comfortable with my sexuality, although I chose to remain mostly modest in public and have only had a few partners. My choices with regard to attire and behavior are driven much more by the rape culture in the US than by how I "feel" about sex. It is easy to say a rape or sexual assault "shouldn't" be the woman's fault for how she was dressed or behaved. The reality is that many Americans, upon hearing someone was raped after a night at the bar, will think that she probably had too much to drink and was acting like a floozy around the men in the bar. No one comes out and says "she asked for it" but that is unfortunately what is implied and what the victim often feels after telling friends and family about it. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR RAPE AND ASSAULT, but I have seen it happen time and time again (I am an advocate for sexual assault victims...even their families, mothers, sisters can react this way when confronted with the truth).
July 27, 2009 - 8:32amMy advice is to do whatever you feel comfortable doing, don't take drinks or anything else from a man, even an acquaintance, that you don't plan on having sex with, and learn how to defend yourself. When a woman you know confides that she has been raped or assaulted, don't ask her what she was wearing or why she got in the car/didn't fight harder/took the drink - just listen and ask what you can do to support her. And if you are ever in a rape or sexual assault situation, I have two words: Shoot him.
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