I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now. From your description, it does sound like there is a lot of emotional "stuff" going on in your relationship right now, and not (as your title suggests) a "lack of sex drive" in your girlfriend.
I am going to forward your question to one of our experts, and hopefully you can receive some helpful information soon.
In the meantime, I can suggest "reframing" your relationship with your girlfriend, and be her support. She is obviously still very upset, so that is the number 1 issue to deal with---the intimacy and sex portion may have to wait until your girlfriend feels emotionally understood, safe and nurtured. I know that's difficult to hear (I am a Health Educator, not a Psychologist...please know this), because it sounds like you are trying to comfort her, while also regaining some sense of normalcy in your relationship, but perhaps she is not ready for this normalcy yet. She may still be in the grieving process, from many different aspects of what the abortion means. The process of the abortion itself is traumatic, but then also the hormones in her body from the pregnancy can take a toll, then she is not pregnant and her body is re-adjusting the hormone levels (this happens quickly). The emotional part, however, may not happen as quickly. Even if she was 100% wanting an abortion, it is still difficult to deal with, and may take some time. She may even be upset with you for how you did/did not handle the situation (fair or not).
This is also a very new relationship, as moving in together can be difficult, especially when the two people were living independently for some time before. Then, throw in an unwanted pregnancy, a big decision was made, and there was not a strong foundation in place on which to fall back on; you both were in the process of building that foundation. She may just be trying to find her ground, and you can help her.
I also realize you need your needs met with an intimate relationship (and I'm not referring to just sex, you say you really do love her). That's what I would be interested in hearing from an expert: how to help her emotionally, while you also can feel secure and loved, too.
Comment Reply
Hi RJ,
I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now. From your description, it does sound like there is a lot of emotional "stuff" going on in your relationship right now, and not (as your title suggests) a "lack of sex drive" in your girlfriend.
I am going to forward your question to one of our experts, and hopefully you can receive some helpful information soon.
In the meantime, I can suggest "reframing" your relationship with your girlfriend, and be her support. She is obviously still very upset, so that is the number 1 issue to deal with---the intimacy and sex portion may have to wait until your girlfriend feels emotionally understood, safe and nurtured. I know that's difficult to hear (I am a Health Educator, not a Psychologist...please know this), because it sounds like you are trying to comfort her, while also regaining some sense of normalcy in your relationship, but perhaps she is not ready for this normalcy yet. She may still be in the grieving process, from many different aspects of what the abortion means. The process of the abortion itself is traumatic, but then also the hormones in her body from the pregnancy can take a toll, then she is not pregnant and her body is re-adjusting the hormone levels (this happens quickly). The emotional part, however, may not happen as quickly. Even if she was 100% wanting an abortion, it is still difficult to deal with, and may take some time. She may even be upset with you for how you did/did not handle the situation (fair or not).
This is also a very new relationship, as moving in together can be difficult, especially when the two people were living independently for some time before. Then, throw in an unwanted pregnancy, a big decision was made, and there was not a strong foundation in place on which to fall back on; you both were in the process of building that foundation. She may just be trying to find her ground, and you can help her.
I also realize you need your needs met with an intimate relationship (and I'm not referring to just sex, you say you really do love her). That's what I would be interested in hearing from an expert: how to help her emotionally, while you also can feel secure and loved, too.
May 31, 2009 - 6:09amThis Comment
Reply