Hi,
My first reaction is that I'm wondering what type of relationship YOU want, as you are very concerned with trying to figure out what all of the variables about him are, and over-analyzing what they mean, or could mean.
What do you deserve in a romantic, loving and intimate relationship? What is your ideal relationship, and what does it involve? Love, trust, common interests, values, goals, dreams; honesty, communication, laughter, intimacy, sex, passion, etc?
When he "can't have sex with you", does this mean only intercourse? Is he intimate and passionate with you in other ways, but intercourse is the only thing missing? I would be more concerned (and end the relationship without question) if there was no sex, passion, intimacy, physical contact, playfulness, "making out" or closeness. If what you describe in your relationship is that you have all of these, minus the actual act of penetration, then it is still concerning but worth looking into more. Do you have all of the above with him, less the intercourse, or is there more to the story?
Why do you feel you do not deserve the best in a relationship? I don't see how this is a "psychological issue" from his part, if he is physically able to have an erection and sustain it for intercourse with other partners. If he is able to be physically close with another partner, and not with you. That is a red flag, and you deserve someone who is able to physically open up to you. What else is he hiding, if he is not comfortable with you in this aspect? Why are you willing to give up this part of yourself, when another person would LOVE and WELCOME your physical closeness and sexual intimacy? What are you scared of?
Here is some information that might help; it is free of other's opinions (you are right, from a reader's standpoint, the answer does seem "obvious" as you point out). It is factual based, and can help you determine what type of relationship you are looking for, and compare this to the type of relationship you might be getting into now.
- The Equality Wheel is the ideal partnership/relationship, and contains fundamental elements for a healthy relationship:
http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html
(Scroll down to "Equality Wheel")
- Conversely, the Power and Control Wheel is very useful in gauging what type of controlling, manipulating behavior may/may not be going on in your relationship.
http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html
(Scroll down to "Power and Control Wheel")
Please look over these resources, and be honest about what type of relationship you currently have and if that matches what you deserve for your future. Write back and let us know what you think.
Comment Reply
Hi,
My first reaction is that I'm wondering what type of relationship YOU want, as you are very concerned with trying to figure out what all of the variables about him are, and over-analyzing what they mean, or could mean.
What do you deserve in a romantic, loving and intimate relationship? What is your ideal relationship, and what does it involve? Love, trust, common interests, values, goals, dreams; honesty, communication, laughter, intimacy, sex, passion, etc?
When he "can't have sex with you", does this mean only intercourse? Is he intimate and passionate with you in other ways, but intercourse is the only thing missing? I would be more concerned (and end the relationship without question) if there was no sex, passion, intimacy, physical contact, playfulness, "making out" or closeness. If what you describe in your relationship is that you have all of these, minus the actual act of penetration, then it is still concerning but worth looking into more. Do you have all of the above with him, less the intercourse, or is there more to the story?
Why do you feel you do not deserve the best in a relationship? I don't see how this is a "psychological issue" from his part, if he is physically able to have an erection and sustain it for intercourse with other partners. If he is able to be physically close with another partner, and not with you. That is a red flag, and you deserve someone who is able to physically open up to you. What else is he hiding, if he is not comfortable with you in this aspect? Why are you willing to give up this part of yourself, when another person would LOVE and WELCOME your physical closeness and sexual intimacy? What are you scared of?
Here is some information that might help; it is free of other's opinions (you are right, from a reader's standpoint, the answer does seem "obvious" as you point out). It is factual based, and can help you determine what type of relationship you are looking for, and compare this to the type of relationship you might be getting into now.
- The Equality Wheel is the ideal partnership/relationship, and contains fundamental elements for a healthy relationship:
http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html
(Scroll down to "Equality Wheel")
- Conversely, the Power and Control Wheel is very useful in gauging what type of controlling, manipulating behavior may/may not be going on in your relationship.
http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html
(Scroll down to "Power and Control Wheel")
Please look over these resources, and be honest about what type of relationship you currently have and if that matches what you deserve for your future. Write back and let us know what you think.
May 31, 2009 - 8:34pmThis Comment
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