You are right about my overanalizyng things, I tend to do that a lot.
As far as the type of relationship that we have, there are some missing elements that could be important for you to make an assesment. When it comes to the relationship that I want, I want what I have with him plus the other good stuff. My biggest fears are that I will either missed out by not being understanding and patient with the most loving person that I've ever known or that I will dragg myself for ever into a relationship that will make me feel unhappy and incomplete.
First of all you should know that for the last three years we have lived in different countries. During this time there have been periods that we have stopped communications and both of us saw other people. He has been the one who always tried to keep in touch and has always cared very much for everything that I do.
When we lived together (for 3 years) he was loving and caring and thruthfull but, he was not willing to commit ( by this I mean he did not want to get married) He never cheated or anything like that. IT's just that for a while there, we had a crisis and I left. At the time I was also frustrated because we hardly ever had sex and sometimes went for months without it. And to my taste he spent too much time in the porn sites and I told him so, I confronted him about it. I used to loose my temper and got very emotional but he could not do or say much about what was going on.
After I left, we attempted to get back and though he said that he loved me and was very sad about having to leave the country for work, he never got physical again. Once he left the country, things went bad again and we did not see each other for a while, in fact we have only met 5 times after he move overseas. But, there has never been an attempt on his side to have sex and he turned me down several times.
Only this year we have started talking about our relationship again and he has told me that I am the most important person in his life. WE are very close, we are true friends, no doubt about that.., we laugh and play, hold hands and sometimes kiss, but when I try to go further he can not react. When I asked why, he said at first that he wanted to be cautious about what we did and I understood, but a couple of months went by and we kept talking about trying to work things out, figure out what to do next as far as the relationship as a whole.
Yet, when I saw him again he couldn't have sex with me in the sense that he seems to get really tense and does not respond to my playing or touching. Last time he told me he can not figured it out himself, he said that he thinks about sex with me and finds me attractive but, when the time comes he does not know what happens. Because we have been apart we were able to talk about the fact that he was in other relationships and sex did not seem to be a problem.
What I want is to have a realtionship with all the things that it implies: love, friendship, closeness and sex, passion, everything. He has suggested that we keep talking as we are, (AND THAT IS A RELATIONSHIP WITH NO DEFINITION< WE ARE NEITHER FRIENDS NOR LOVERS) And has promised to try and figure it out and seem a bit open to my sugestion of getting someone else to help us.
Well, I don't know if anything of what I have written you helps or makes your opinion any different from your first impression.
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Hi, and thank you for the uick response,
You are right about my overanalizyng things, I tend to do that a lot.
As far as the type of relationship that we have, there are some missing elements that could be important for you to make an assesment. When it comes to the relationship that I want, I want what I have with him plus the other good stuff. My biggest fears are that I will either missed out by not being understanding and patient with the most loving person that I've ever known or that I will dragg myself for ever into a relationship that will make me feel unhappy and incomplete.
First of all you should know that for the last three years we have lived in different countries. During this time there have been periods that we have stopped communications and both of us saw other people. He has been the one who always tried to keep in touch and has always cared very much for everything that I do.
When we lived together (for 3 years) he was loving and caring and thruthfull but, he was not willing to commit ( by this I mean he did not want to get married) He never cheated or anything like that. IT's just that for a while there, we had a crisis and I left. At the time I was also frustrated because we hardly ever had sex and sometimes went for months without it. And to my taste he spent too much time in the porn sites and I told him so, I confronted him about it. I used to loose my temper and got very emotional but he could not do or say much about what was going on.
After I left, we attempted to get back and though he said that he loved me and was very sad about having to leave the country for work, he never got physical again. Once he left the country, things went bad again and we did not see each other for a while, in fact we have only met 5 times after he move overseas. But, there has never been an attempt on his side to have sex and he turned me down several times.
Only this year we have started talking about our relationship again and he has told me that I am the most important person in his life. WE are very close, we are true friends, no doubt about that.., we laugh and play, hold hands and sometimes kiss, but when I try to go further he can not react. When I asked why, he said at first that he wanted to be cautious about what we did and I understood, but a couple of months went by and we kept talking about trying to work things out, figure out what to do next as far as the relationship as a whole.
Yet, when I saw him again he couldn't have sex with me in the sense that he seems to get really tense and does not respond to my playing or touching. Last time he told me he can not figured it out himself, he said that he thinks about sex with me and finds me attractive but, when the time comes he does not know what happens. Because we have been apart we were able to talk about the fact that he was in other relationships and sex did not seem to be a problem.
What I want is to have a realtionship with all the things that it implies: love, friendship, closeness and sex, passion, everything. He has suggested that we keep talking as we are, (AND THAT IS A RELATIONSHIP WITH NO DEFINITION< WE ARE NEITHER FRIENDS NOR LOVERS) And has promised to try and figure it out and seem a bit open to my sugestion of getting someone else to help us.
Well, I don't know if anything of what I have written you helps or makes your opinion any different from your first impression.
Thank again
June 1, 2009 - 6:45pmThis Comment
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