I suffered from anorexia for many years, and then in my forties, began to really embrace recovery.
I am ashamed to say that during my 'active ED' years, I blamed my parents for so many things - to the point of thinking that I didn't care whether they lived nor died and thinking that I would not even cry at their funerals because, in my mind then, my parents caused my 'terrible childhood'.
During my 'active ED' years, my memories of my childhood and my parents treatment of me was skewed by my disease.
Now, in recovery, I realize that my parents were good parents - did their best - my problem was not them, but rather my own "stuff" ... genetics, personality traits, etc.
My dad died just months ago and I gave the eulogy at this funeral.
I celebrated the wonderful man, American, military hero and dad that he was.
But I am sad to think how many years my 'mixed up' mind had me thinking negatively of him.
My mom is still alive and just recently - in tears - I said to her:
"Mom, did I ever tell you how much I appreciate that - through all my challenges - you and dad were always there for me ... you never gave up on me."
She calmly answered:
"That's what mothers do."
I love my mother and my father and though it took me to recover from a mental illness to come to that realization, I am so glad that I finally DID.
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I suffered from anorexia for many years, and then in my forties, began to really embrace recovery.
I am ashamed to say that during my 'active ED' years, I blamed my parents for so many things - to the point of thinking that I didn't care whether they lived nor died and thinking that I would not even cry at their funerals because, in my mind then, my parents caused my 'terrible childhood'.
During my 'active ED' years, my memories of my childhood and my parents treatment of me was skewed by my disease.
Now, in recovery, I realize that my parents were good parents - did their best - my problem was not them, but rather my own "stuff" ... genetics, personality traits, etc.
My dad died just months ago and I gave the eulogy at this funeral.
I celebrated the wonderful man, American, military hero and dad that he was.
But I am sad to think how many years my 'mixed up' mind had me thinking negatively of him.
My mom is still alive and just recently - in tears - I said to her:
"Mom, did I ever tell you how much I appreciate that - through all my challenges - you and dad were always there for me ... you never gave up on me."
She calmly answered:
"That's what mothers do."
I love my mother and my father and though it took me to recover from a mental illness to come to that realization, I am so glad that I finally DID.
God Bless you all!
CathyVeester
June 11, 2009 - 2:41pmThis Comment
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