It seems that all of our experiences with ED whether as a patient or as a parents have been stressful and highly emotional not to mention completly scarey so we have developed each of our own strong views. As with many disorders different treatments may be appropriate.
I think we are all agreed that abuse -physical or emotional or dyfunctional families do not always cause eating disorders. When they do, they present a much more complex picture that needs to be dealt with. No one doubts the enormous difficulties faced by those trying to recover. Those working to recover have my utmost admiration and respect. However perhaps the research about genetics is providing some light as to why although all those abused have problems not all develop an eating disorder.
Those of us who speak emotionally here about parents being blamed have also had extremely traumatic experiences but it has been in the therapy. When I look around at my friends I see families no different from my own or indeed much more authoritarian and controlling and yet their children did not develop eating disorders. Yet instead of including me, advising me how to modify my behaviour or help me provide a supportive to recovery envronment the doctors actively looked to blame. "Er no you're not too controlling, perhaps you don't do enough er no well obviously it's Dad then" For 5 years I stepped back and watched my daughter decline and attempt suicide. I watched my son in intensive care. I was devastated. I work with families with disabled children. I adore my family. Yet now not only am excluded as I wouldn't be if they had cancer because my children were going to die and it was actually apparently all my fault.
Desperate I did step in and support refeeding actually not through Maudsley but through the Mandometer program. Once nutrition started to make a difference we could see that we all had anxieties and issues which together may have been a trigger but wouldn't have been with another child or in another family. Yes for my daughter depression is a co-morbid problem and for my son and husband anxiety and I am burnt out - we all continue to receive therapy support. As with all families we continue to be a work in progress. Thankfully in recovery, they no longer blame me and I certainly don't blame them or think they were manipulative etc in any way. Eating Disorder is a terrible illness which affects the whole family.
So again anyone with an eating disorder trying to recover has my utmost respect whether parent or patient on this blog we all know how hard and traumatic the treatment process is. But I'm trying to point out the trauma that a sub group of eating disorder families go through when they are blamed and accused without ever knowing what they did wrong compared to non eating disorder "normal" families that might cause the death of their child. So yes we are thrilled our children including the adults like mine are alive and doing well. The newer research on biology and genetics is helping us all make some sense of it all.
But families are so important in life. Please wherever possible lets help families work together for recovery.
My best wishes to every family battling this disease.
Linda
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It seems that all of our experiences with ED whether as a patient or as a parents have been stressful and highly emotional not to mention completly scarey so we have developed each of our own strong views. As with many disorders different treatments may be appropriate.
I think we are all agreed that abuse -physical or emotional or dyfunctional families do not always cause eating disorders. When they do, they present a much more complex picture that needs to be dealt with. No one doubts the enormous difficulties faced by those trying to recover. Those working to recover have my utmost admiration and respect. However perhaps the research about genetics is providing some light as to why although all those abused have problems not all develop an eating disorder.
Those of us who speak emotionally here about parents being blamed have also had extremely traumatic experiences but it has been in the therapy. When I look around at my friends I see families no different from my own or indeed much more authoritarian and controlling and yet their children did not develop eating disorders. Yet instead of including me, advising me how to modify my behaviour or help me provide a supportive to recovery envronment the doctors actively looked to blame. "Er no you're not too controlling, perhaps you don't do enough er no well obviously it's Dad then" For 5 years I stepped back and watched my daughter decline and attempt suicide. I watched my son in intensive care. I was devastated. I work with families with disabled children. I adore my family. Yet now not only am excluded as I wouldn't be if they had cancer because my children were going to die and it was actually apparently all my fault.
Desperate I did step in and support refeeding actually not through Maudsley but through the Mandometer program. Once nutrition started to make a difference we could see that we all had anxieties and issues which together may have been a trigger but wouldn't have been with another child or in another family. Yes for my daughter depression is a co-morbid problem and for my son and husband anxiety and I am burnt out - we all continue to receive therapy support. As with all families we continue to be a work in progress. Thankfully in recovery, they no longer blame me and I certainly don't blame them or think they were manipulative etc in any way. Eating Disorder is a terrible illness which affects the whole family.
So again anyone with an eating disorder trying to recover has my utmost respect whether parent or patient on this blog we all know how hard and traumatic the treatment process is. But I'm trying to point out the trauma that a sub group of eating disorder families go through when they are blamed and accused without ever knowing what they did wrong compared to non eating disorder "normal" families that might cause the death of their child. So yes we are thrilled our children including the adults like mine are alive and doing well. The newer research on biology and genetics is helping us all make some sense of it all.
But families are so important in life. Please wherever possible lets help families work together for recovery.
My best wishes to every family battling this disease.
June 11, 2009 - 5:42pmLinda
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