Hi,
Your last question is perhaps the most relevant:
"So, do I trust that the attraction will come back?"
From what you stated in your question, I did not read that there was ever attraction in the first place.
I am so sorry to be blunt about this, but you have made so many excuses for your boyfriend...reasons that he shouldn't love you, treat you with affection, find you desirable. Weight is not the issue. Please know this. Your weight is not the issue.
You said you are getting ready to move to Seattle, and move in with your boyfriend. Why? Do you have friends, family or a career waiting for you there? What do YOU want in a relationship, and why do you feel that you do not deserve to get it? You sound extremely intelligent, and the words you've chosen suggest that you DO know what you want in a relationship, however, you are not getting it currently in this relationship...and you think moving closer and moving in with your boyfriend will create what you are looking for.
Have you played devil's advocate with yourself? What if you were 10, 20, 30 pounds lighter. Would your boyfriend magically be attracted to you, and you would no longer feel alone in the relationship? What if he is still not attracted to you? This is a real possibility; your bf may be hoping that he would be attracted to you (I assume you have a lot in common otherwise), "if only you would....". What if his list of requirements never ceases? A healthy relationship starts with not having a list of requirements for the person to change.
I am not sure if you can change your plans to move, or if you even want to, but have you considered a half-way point? Moving to Seattle, but not moving-in with him? It sounds like you also need some time to learn and believe that you are worthy and deserving of all the love, affection, passion, romance, trust, fun, joy and respect of any woman (without question or excuses) of a healthy relationship...no matter what her weight, height, hair color, skin color, eye color, dress size, bust size...you name it.
Comment Reply
Hi,
Your last question is perhaps the most relevant:
"So, do I trust that the attraction will come back?"
From what you stated in your question, I did not read that there was ever attraction in the first place.
I am so sorry to be blunt about this, but you have made so many excuses for your boyfriend...reasons that he shouldn't love you, treat you with affection, find you desirable. Weight is not the issue. Please know this. Your weight is not the issue.
You said you are getting ready to move to Seattle, and move in with your boyfriend. Why? Do you have friends, family or a career waiting for you there? What do YOU want in a relationship, and why do you feel that you do not deserve to get it? You sound extremely intelligent, and the words you've chosen suggest that you DO know what you want in a relationship, however, you are not getting it currently in this relationship...and you think moving closer and moving in with your boyfriend will create what you are looking for.
Have you played devil's advocate with yourself? What if you were 10, 20, 30 pounds lighter. Would your boyfriend magically be attracted to you, and you would no longer feel alone in the relationship? What if he is still not attracted to you? This is a real possibility; your bf may be hoping that he would be attracted to you (I assume you have a lot in common otherwise), "if only you would....". What if his list of requirements never ceases? A healthy relationship starts with not having a list of requirements for the person to change.
I am not sure if you can change your plans to move, or if you even want to, but have you considered a half-way point? Moving to Seattle, but not moving-in with him? It sounds like you also need some time to learn and believe that you are worthy and deserving of all the love, affection, passion, romance, trust, fun, joy and respect of any woman (without question or excuses) of a healthy relationship...no matter what her weight, height, hair color, skin color, eye color, dress size, bust size...you name it.
What are your thoughts on this?
June 14, 2009 - 3:14pmThis Comment
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