I've been in a similar situation, where my boyfriend of 4 and a half months said he isn't really attracted to chubby girls. All of my friends have said he must be mad as I am not chubby but I have seen his other girlfriends who were stick insects in comparison so I guess I must of looked fat in comparison. He spent months trying to get me to go to gym, storming out on me saying I don't have any energy and if I just went to gym he thinks it would be better for me and him - that I needed to get goals in my life. This used to hurt me because I didn't understand why he was so mad at me. He finally admitted that he tried to love me but just couldn't which he made sound like not such a bad thing . I was devastated.
Then I got to thinking, hang on. I'm in love with him and so didn't look at him in that kind of light. I could have said to him well I don't really like men who have big biceps with no six-pack (in fact a little soft in the middle himself), who are less than 6 feet tall, have male pattern balding, have no financial security, or who only have two pairs of pants and no car. BUT of course I still loved him to bits - I loved the funny jeans with frayed edges and his cute balding head and then I thought hey isn't that what someone else is suppose to feel for me? If not then what the hell am I doing weeping over someone who is clearly not worth it?
The concept of what's in the inside is more important than what is on the outside is not just a concept we should be "feeding" to kids to make them feel better but think about it would he rather be with a lovely person like you who maybe has I little meat on her bones or some 2B pencil who couldn't care if he died in a gutter. He needs to grow up. If he is so superficial to chose the latter then I say leave him in the gutter and move on!
I eventually said to my ex, "So I see, if I go to gym and lose weight then everything will be fine and you would be attracted to me because I was thin"...then looked quizzically at him I followed it with (once he was nodding his head in agreement) "So does that mean you will have a frontal labotomy to change the fact that you are a horrible, superficial jerk because that is REALLY unattractive to me?"
Reading Alison B's comments and the marks of a healthy and unhealthy relationship was a good measure, and remember that if the relationship is unhealthy it will make you unhealthy too, not to mention very unhappy in the long run.
Good luck and I hope everything worked out in the end. Don't let anyone make believe that you are anything other than beautiful!
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I've been in a similar situation, where my boyfriend of 4 and a half months said he isn't really attracted to chubby girls. All of my friends have said he must be mad as I am not chubby but I have seen his other girlfriends who were stick insects in comparison so I guess I must of looked fat in comparison. He spent months trying to get me to go to gym, storming out on me saying I don't have any energy and if I just went to gym he thinks it would be better for me and him - that I needed to get goals in my life. This used to hurt me because I didn't understand why he was so mad at me. He finally admitted that he tried to love me but just couldn't which he made sound like not such a bad thing . I was devastated.
Then I got to thinking, hang on. I'm in love with him and so didn't look at him in that kind of light. I could have said to him well I don't really like men who have big biceps with no six-pack (in fact a little soft in the middle himself), who are less than 6 feet tall, have male pattern balding, have no financial security, or who only have two pairs of pants and no car. BUT of course I still loved him to bits - I loved the funny jeans with frayed edges and his cute balding head and then I thought hey isn't that what someone else is suppose to feel for me? If not then what the hell am I doing weeping over someone who is clearly not worth it?
The concept of what's in the inside is more important than what is on the outside is not just a concept we should be "feeding" to kids to make them feel better but think about it would he rather be with a lovely person like you who maybe has I little meat on her bones or some 2B pencil who couldn't care if he died in a gutter. He needs to grow up. If he is so superficial to chose the latter then I say leave him in the gutter and move on!
I eventually said to my ex, "So I see, if I go to gym and lose weight then everything will be fine and you would be attracted to me because I was thin"...then looked quizzically at him I followed it with (once he was nodding his head in agreement) "So does that mean you will have a frontal labotomy to change the fact that you are a horrible, superficial jerk because that is REALLY unattractive to me?"
Reading Alison B's comments and the marks of a healthy and unhealthy relationship was a good measure, and remember that if the relationship is unhealthy it will make you unhealthy too, not to mention very unhappy in the long run.
Good luck and I hope everything worked out in the end. Don't let anyone make believe that you are anything other than beautiful!
May 17, 2010 - 5:36amThis Comment
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