Okay, so we've got one gal who's bf convinced her she's too heavy to be attracted to and another gal who's boyfriend made her feel unattractive because she was too thin and "sickly." Wow.
I'll tell you a little story. I met a guy, my physical ideal of a man in a tiny town in CO. We started dating and it was like a dream in the beginning. I was thin, but had stretch marks from a growth spurt. The first time we became intimate? You guessed it. He commented on my stretch marks. "WTH? Stretch marks? Did you have a stinking kid or something?" My self esteem spiraled downward. 2nd insult: we were having beers one night, he stared at my nose and said, "Are you Jewish? because your nose is pretty big."
I had a decent self esteem before I met him. It wasn't long before I didn't have an ounce of self-confidence or self-respect left. You see, I KNEW I needed to leave. I FELT it.
I finally found the nerve to leave (at the 5 yr. mark) after I had had a miscarriage and he yelled at me for crying. He told me to "get the F over it." He never held my hand or hugged me. Never said, "We'll get through this." Nothing.
I moved to MT. You know what I discovered? Men actually DID find me attractive. I was in shock and in heaven. Paul came a knockin when he found out I was happy and thriving. What happened? Like an idiot I returned to him. He's like a toxic drug to me. One piece of advice, if it's not too late:
DON'T LET THESE GUYS GET INTO YOUR HEADS AND MAKE YOU FEEL UNWORTHY OF HAPPINESS OR THAT YOU NEED TO CHANGE.
Oh, yeah. Our sex life sucks. At first he claimed he wasn't attracted to me just because he didn't like me in the beginning (i.e. the first YEAR) I had stretch marks, I was too heavy, I'm wasn't nice enough. I didn't talk dirty enough. The list goes on and on. I have to BEG to get sex. How's that for a self esteem boost? Oh, I dated several guys in MT when we were broken up . . . never had to beg them. They adored me.
So, the moral of the story, you ask????? Run. Don't look back. Don't e-mail. Change your number. Forget you knew him. Because, when you completely distance yourself from toxic people you become free of them. You begin to patch up all the holes that guy put into your sense of self worth. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
He's threatened me. I finally sent out a bunch of e-mails to friends/family . . . you know one of those "if anything happens to me" things and I made sure to LET him know that I had told people.
7 years ago, I never would have seen this in my future. I'm now packing my car to leave. I'm not going to lie. It's tough. My identity has become so intertwined with him.
One of my friends, who was urging me to leave Paul, told me a long time ago, "What do you have to walk away from in order for God to show you your path?" I'm focusing on that. I have a path and a purpose to my life (AND SO DO YOU) and Paul has put a damper on that. NOT ANY MORE. :) At this point, Paul has eaten up a big chunk of my life. I'm not going to let him have any more of my time or love. There are times to stay and fight and there are times to walk away. You gals need to walk away. As do I. Best of luck to you. Don't be a doormat, be a diva and be proud of who you are. :)
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Okay, so we've got one gal who's bf convinced her she's too heavy to be attracted to and another gal who's boyfriend made her feel unattractive because she was too thin and "sickly." Wow.
June 19, 2010 - 7:34amI'll tell you a little story. I met a guy, my physical ideal of a man in a tiny town in CO. We started dating and it was like a dream in the beginning. I was thin, but had stretch marks from a growth spurt. The first time we became intimate? You guessed it. He commented on my stretch marks. "WTH? Stretch marks? Did you have a stinking kid or something?" My self esteem spiraled downward. 2nd insult: we were having beers one night, he stared at my nose and said, "Are you Jewish? because your nose is pretty big."
I had a decent self esteem before I met him. It wasn't long before I didn't have an ounce of self-confidence or self-respect left. You see, I KNEW I needed to leave. I FELT it.
I finally found the nerve to leave (at the 5 yr. mark) after I had had a miscarriage and he yelled at me for crying. He told me to "get the F over it." He never held my hand or hugged me. Never said, "We'll get through this." Nothing.
I moved to MT. You know what I discovered? Men actually DID find me attractive. I was in shock and in heaven. Paul came a knockin when he found out I was happy and thriving. What happened? Like an idiot I returned to him. He's like a toxic drug to me. One piece of advice, if it's not too late:
DON'T LET THESE GUYS GET INTO YOUR HEADS AND MAKE YOU FEEL UNWORTHY OF HAPPINESS OR THAT YOU NEED TO CHANGE.
Oh, yeah. Our sex life sucks. At first he claimed he wasn't attracted to me just because he didn't like me in the beginning (i.e. the first YEAR) I had stretch marks, I was too heavy, I'm wasn't nice enough. I didn't talk dirty enough. The list goes on and on. I have to BEG to get sex. How's that for a self esteem boost? Oh, I dated several guys in MT when we were broken up . . . never had to beg them. They adored me.
So, the moral of the story, you ask????? Run. Don't look back. Don't e-mail. Change your number. Forget you knew him. Because, when you completely distance yourself from toxic people you become free of them. You begin to patch up all the holes that guy put into your sense of self worth. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
He's threatened me. I finally sent out a bunch of e-mails to friends/family . . . you know one of those "if anything happens to me" things and I made sure to LET him know that I had told people.
7 years ago, I never would have seen this in my future. I'm now packing my car to leave. I'm not going to lie. It's tough. My identity has become so intertwined with him.
One of my friends, who was urging me to leave Paul, told me a long time ago, "What do you have to walk away from in order for God to show you your path?" I'm focusing on that. I have a path and a purpose to my life (AND SO DO YOU) and Paul has put a damper on that. NOT ANY MORE. :) At this point, Paul has eaten up a big chunk of my life. I'm not going to let him have any more of my time or love. There are times to stay and fight and there are times to walk away. You gals need to walk away. As do I. Best of luck to you. Don't be a doormat, be a diva and be proud of who you are. :)
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