I feel very supported and everyones comments have helped me a great deal and given me a number of ways to look at the situation and to think about.
I feel very strongly that I deserve better and that yes my partner does need to sort himself out, as they say ' you can't love some one else unless you love yourself first' .
But I also feel very compelled to stay with him, I am the only family he has got and I actually live with him too. I know that position seems easily fixed but it's not, we live in quite a small town and the support net work he did have had given up on him and also does not have anywhere to stay, at all. I know this is not my burden.
I have a very strong support network of friends and family that love me to death but also love him very much and are making some break through with him also. We do have the same goals in life and he is growing up, I know the process is very slow and being 19 means that I am very blind to alot of the things that are happening but I do see a lot of potenial. We had been together once before and seemed to find our way back to each other, I really do feel a connection with him that I have not felt with anyone before, he knows me better then an I know myself and also is much wiser than his years of age. Before we got back together he was addicted to meth, he believed he could bet it but needed the only person who he trusted to guide him through it, that is what I did. He no longer even craves the drug, we have been to meetings, talked about it and whenever he is offered or around the drug he turns it down with no regrets.
I feel this relationship is very very complicated and yes, a lot to take on for a 19 year old but I also love him very much and can see us getting through this, I just need alot more pointers and ways about doing so. If of course the methods are not improving the situation I will have to make a lot of changes but I do not feel this is over, only a hurdle ...a very large one.