So glad you found EmpowHer. Welcome, and thanks for your question.
(And before we get started, when are you going to live `a Paris? A notable goal! Do it! Do it!)
OK. Back to the topic.
I can tell how frustrated you are, and how much fun this is NOT. Wanting a good, active sex life is normal; feeling rejected all the time is inhibiting at best and hurts our self-esteem and self-image. We think something must be wrong with us. We wonder if he's not interested in us anymore (even if he assures us that he is). We want not only the sex, but the closeness that intimacy brings. Without that intimacy, we get more and more like roommates and less and less like a couple.
Miscommunications do happen, absolutely. But if I had to guess, I would guess that his medications have contributed to a loss of libido for your boyfriend. That when the relationship was new, it was enough to raise that libido and enjoy sex despite the meds, but once the relationship got more familiar and sex wasn't as new anymore, the libido disappeared again. It's no one's fault.
A normal, healthy 32-year-old man would be very interested in sex. I imagine it puzzles him some as well. But a loss of libido is one of the most common side effects in both high blood pressure medication and in anti-depressants. It seems to (unfortunately) go with the territory. It's nothing he needs to be defensive about, though I can understand why he might feel that way. It's a challenge, though.
Here's are a couple of pages that talk about blood pressure meds and sexual side effects:
Do you think your boyfriend would talk to his doctor about this? Perhaps another anti-depressant would be less likely to cause this. Or perhaps your doctor would talk to him about losing weight and lowering his blood pressure (though I'm guessing he already has).
If he doesn't want to go to a doctor, and doesn't want to lose weight/ work on the blood pressure, is that a deal-breaker for you? It's important to know that your wants and needs are important here.
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Hi, liveaparis,
So glad you found EmpowHer. Welcome, and thanks for your question.
(And before we get started, when are you going to live `a Paris? A notable goal! Do it! Do it!)
OK. Back to the topic.
I can tell how frustrated you are, and how much fun this is NOT. Wanting a good, active sex life is normal; feeling rejected all the time is inhibiting at best and hurts our self-esteem and self-image. We think something must be wrong with us. We wonder if he's not interested in us anymore (even if he assures us that he is). We want not only the sex, but the closeness that intimacy brings. Without that intimacy, we get more and more like roommates and less and less like a couple.
Miscommunications do happen, absolutely. But if I had to guess, I would guess that his medications have contributed to a loss of libido for your boyfriend. That when the relationship was new, it was enough to raise that libido and enjoy sex despite the meds, but once the relationship got more familiar and sex wasn't as new anymore, the libido disappeared again. It's no one's fault.
A normal, healthy 32-year-old man would be very interested in sex. I imagine it puzzles him some as well. But a loss of libido is one of the most common side effects in both high blood pressure medication and in anti-depressants. It seems to (unfortunately) go with the territory. It's nothing he needs to be defensive about, though I can understand why he might feel that way. It's a challenge, though.
Here's are a couple of pages that talk about blood pressure meds and sexual side effects:
http://www.healthcentral.com/erectile-dysfunction/question-answer-27865-63.html
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/menshealth/feature/medicinessex.htm
And here are a couple of pages that talk about anti-depressants and loss of sex drive:
http://www.prevention.com/cda/article/where-d-my-sex-drive-go/d7ef9c777f803110VgnVCM20000012281eac____/health/health.experts/mary.jane.minkin.md
http://www.nytimes.com/specials/women/warchive/960515_1126.html
Do you think your boyfriend would talk to his doctor about this? Perhaps another anti-depressant would be less likely to cause this. Or perhaps your doctor would talk to him about losing weight and lowering his blood pressure (though I'm guessing he already has).
If he doesn't want to go to a doctor, and doesn't want to lose weight/ work on the blood pressure, is that a deal-breaker for you? It's important to know that your wants and needs are important here.
July 7, 2009 - 9:35amThis Comment
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