Dear Anon, thank you for your post.
I'm very sorry that you are feeling depressed, though I do want to reassure you that everything you are going through seems very normal to me, we have all done things and will do things in our lives that we are not so proud or had less than great outcomes, the key is knowing how to put it past us as a bump in the road and moving on to make the necessary changes.
To get the help that you rightfully deserve, I recommend seeing a psychologist to properly diagnose your illness. Depression is extremely common and can be treated. If you need help finding a doctor in your area, I recommend using this website. http://www.mentalhelp.net/ and it will help you find a therapist around your zip code. If you feel like you cannot afford a therapist, do not let that stop you. You may start by contacting different therapists and asking if they work on a sliding scale, in which they charge you based on what you can afford. If you have a large University around your area, you can also call them and ask for their Psychiatry department and sometimes they will refer you to a doctor who will be significantly less expensive than a therapist in private practice.
I wish you the best of luck, remember you have already made the first step to your recovery simply by contacting empowher. If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to ask.