Alright, I'll tell you a story. I wasn't much to look at (very very scrawny and quite a late bloomer) when I was in Jr. High. Then I moved to my dad's in high school and boy what a difference a summer and a new school made... I was a hit! However, teenagers can be shallow and stupid (some grownups too) and some of them figured out I didn't come from money (I had to make that destiny for me as a grown up! :-)
So some of them didn't go out with me but a few times... However, I might add - THEY ALL came back to me my senior year... and I was SSOOO not interested in them by then! haha
I fell gradually but then MADLY in love with a guy - we'll call him Jessie - when I was a sophomore. He asked me out for homecoming and we were inseparable after that! He was very shy and he had a couple of crooked teeth (which weren't bad AT ALL, but he was self conscious of them) so he would smile very embarrassed like. He always made me feel like he felt he was LUCKY to be with me... and he was in AWE that I'd be with him. It stayed that way for about a year and a half or so, then I got the wandering eye for a guy - we will call him Tim- that I had the BIGGEST crush on. I didn't love Jessie any less, I was just young and hadn't experienced hardly ANY dating or certainly not kissing other guys... I broke up with Jessie to go out with Tim - who I swore later, had to be gay... I looked so cute that night and he acted like I had Hepititus or something. I was so turned off by that, I ran right back to Jessie (he didn't know all this) and I learned my lesson and knew what I had.
BBUUTT, not long after that, it was his turn... he started doing some shady things, caught him in some lies... we had some ups and downs. But he was my first love, my first sexual experience... he was the center of my world. Now, mind you... I have learned as a grownup that you NEVER EVER EVER make a man the center or your world... but I have told you all of that.
So, it hurt a lot, these girls I would catch him talking with or flirting with were seriously totally ugly. Not anywhere near something to be jealous of... except that he apparently was interested in them. I was crushed.
He came over one day - and it literally agonized him but he told me he needed time to himself. I cried, he cried - it was awful. But he jumped right back up on the horse and ... I tried to fight it, he can't not love me anymore, he can't not still FEEL all that for me. There were times he'd think I was asleep on the couch and he'd say the sweetest most loving things to me... I ran those through my head in total confusion. But the harder I tried to stop it from happening, the worse it hurt me. It also made me look foolish and pathetic. He wasn't hurting, but he knew I was devastated. So, upon advice, I went on a date or two and sure it ate him up but he wasn't budging what he was doing...
Time passed and I won't lie to you - it took me a good 5 YEARS to truly get over this guy. I was already married to my son's father before it actually started fading away. Those first loves are a killer... but they are bitter sweet and you can't change what is inevitable. It would be weird, seriously, if you guys never dated anyone else or had lives outside of each other. It seems romantic and sweet, but mark my words... it's 9 times out of 10, a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. You are meant to experience life as YOU and he is meant to do the same.
The "Jessie" guy... he never stopped loving me. Swear he didn't! He was just being a guy, a teenager with raging hormones - curious about the world and wanting to run at it. I saw him from time to time, would run into him... and he had several children (like 4) and had all this baby momma drama.
I ran into him about 6-7 yrs ago at a gas station, heard my name called and looked over - was like hey... uugghhh he was fat - not obese - but not the guy I dated!!! :-)
He was looking at me with the same look he always had... he still loved me. I knew right then, he never really got over it... but life takes it course and things DO happen for a reason.
Don't be his pillow babe... don't be "available" to him, in any way shape or form because all that screams is... I am right here whenever you want me back!!
You will hate yourself for that later... trust me, go do what I told you to a while back. Go find YOU, what YOU like, make some friends that he DOES NOT know. Don't always answer when he calls, be elusive, be busy but cordial.
He'll be ate up... but that is not why you do it... you do it, to say... "I am important. I count! I love you but I am going to let you have what you need and you are going to do that very same thing for me".
IT will be SSOOO hard, but I promise you - time does heal it and before you know it, it's just a pleasant memory that makes you smile and makes you happy to think about. And who knows, if the paths are meant to meet, they will.
You needed to do this anyway, take your chance now!! Ok....
Sorry for the lecture, I just know how it feels... nothing anyone says matters. But I do hope a "little" of it sunk in!
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Alright, I'll tell you a story. I wasn't much to look at (very very scrawny and quite a late bloomer) when I was in Jr. High. Then I moved to my dad's in high school and boy what a difference a summer and a new school made... I was a hit! However, teenagers can be shallow and stupid (some grownups too) and some of them figured out I didn't come from money (I had to make that destiny for me as a grown up! :-)
So some of them didn't go out with me but a few times... However, I might add - THEY ALL came back to me my senior year... and I was SSOOO not interested in them by then! haha
I fell gradually but then MADLY in love with a guy - we'll call him Jessie - when I was a sophomore. He asked me out for homecoming and we were inseparable after that! He was very shy and he had a couple of crooked teeth (which weren't bad AT ALL, but he was self conscious of them) so he would smile very embarrassed like. He always made me feel like he felt he was LUCKY to be with me... and he was in AWE that I'd be with him. It stayed that way for about a year and a half or so, then I got the wandering eye for a guy - we will call him Tim- that I had the BIGGEST crush on. I didn't love Jessie any less, I was just young and hadn't experienced hardly ANY dating or certainly not kissing other guys... I broke up with Jessie to go out with Tim - who I swore later, had to be gay... I looked so cute that night and he acted like I had Hepititus or something. I was so turned off by that, I ran right back to Jessie (he didn't know all this) and I learned my lesson and knew what I had.
BBUUTT, not long after that, it was his turn... he started doing some shady things, caught him in some lies... we had some ups and downs. But he was my first love, my first sexual experience... he was the center of my world. Now, mind you... I have learned as a grownup that you NEVER EVER EVER make a man the center or your world... but I have told you all of that.
So, it hurt a lot, these girls I would catch him talking with or flirting with were seriously totally ugly. Not anywhere near something to be jealous of... except that he apparently was interested in them. I was crushed.
He came over one day - and it literally agonized him but he told me he needed time to himself. I cried, he cried - it was awful. But he jumped right back up on the horse and ... I tried to fight it, he can't not love me anymore, he can't not still FEEL all that for me. There were times he'd think I was asleep on the couch and he'd say the sweetest most loving things to me... I ran those through my head in total confusion. But the harder I tried to stop it from happening, the worse it hurt me. It also made me look foolish and pathetic. He wasn't hurting, but he knew I was devastated. So, upon advice, I went on a date or two and sure it ate him up but he wasn't budging what he was doing...
Time passed and I won't lie to you - it took me a good 5 YEARS to truly get over this guy. I was already married to my son's father before it actually started fading away. Those first loves are a killer... but they are bitter sweet and you can't change what is inevitable. It would be weird, seriously, if you guys never dated anyone else or had lives outside of each other. It seems romantic and sweet, but mark my words... it's 9 times out of 10, a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. You are meant to experience life as YOU and he is meant to do the same.
The "Jessie" guy... he never stopped loving me. Swear he didn't! He was just being a guy, a teenager with raging hormones - curious about the world and wanting to run at it. I saw him from time to time, would run into him... and he had several children (like 4) and had all this baby momma drama.
I ran into him about 6-7 yrs ago at a gas station, heard my name called and looked over - was like hey... uugghhh he was fat - not obese - but not the guy I dated!!! :-)
He was looking at me with the same look he always had... he still loved me. I knew right then, he never really got over it... but life takes it course and things DO happen for a reason.
Don't be his pillow babe... don't be "available" to him, in any way shape or form because all that screams is... I am right here whenever you want me back!!
You will hate yourself for that later... trust me, go do what I told you to a while back. Go find YOU, what YOU like, make some friends that he DOES NOT know. Don't always answer when he calls, be elusive, be busy but cordial.
He'll be ate up... but that is not why you do it... you do it, to say... "I am important. I count! I love you but I am going to let you have what you need and you are going to do that very same thing for me".
IT will be SSOOO hard, but I promise you - time does heal it and before you know it, it's just a pleasant memory that makes you smile and makes you happy to think about. And who knows, if the paths are meant to meet, they will.
You needed to do this anyway, take your chance now!! Ok....
August 11, 2009 - 12:30pmSorry for the lecture, I just know how it feels... nothing anyone says matters. But I do hope a "little" of it sunk in!
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