AlexG,
This was so interesting to read! You had experienced your sexual interest was more powerful in your previous heterosexual relationships, and now you are experiencing this again, even in a same-sex marriage. (Congrats, by the way, on your recent marriage!)
That is frustrating, and it makes me curious if we all fall into certain sexual "roles", regardless of partner's gender or age. Does your wife ever experience that her sexual interest in heightened as a result of sex or intimacy, and not always before, as a precursor to sex?
I hope to keep discussing this topic by sharing experiences, stories and research, as it would be great to find some possible solutions!
I'm sorry it is starting to effect your relationship, which is difficult since you already have open communication. Can I offer one suggestion, that my husband and I agreed to? We joke and are sarcastic in our relationship, but we had to agree that there could be no "jokes, side remarks, verbal jabs" (you name it) regarding sex or intimacy. At first, it felt like we had made this strict rule that was limiting, but after a while, it was easy to only say positive remarks towards each other, if it had anything to do with the topic of intimacy. I think, sometime, we "joke" about sensitive topics, because we don't have the exact words to explain what we're really thinking, or the "joke" is to try to make light of a problematic situation. But, the "joke" has some truth behind it, and therefore, isn't really a "joke". It can be hurtful, and actually cause even more tension, anxiety...and less sexual impulses.
Anyways...sorry for the unsolicited advice! Hope to hear back fro you soon.
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AlexG,
This was so interesting to read! You had experienced your sexual interest was more powerful in your previous heterosexual relationships, and now you are experiencing this again, even in a same-sex marriage. (Congrats, by the way, on your recent marriage!)
That is frustrating, and it makes me curious if we all fall into certain sexual "roles", regardless of partner's gender or age. Does your wife ever experience that her sexual interest in heightened as a result of sex or intimacy, and not always before, as a precursor to sex?
I hope to keep discussing this topic by sharing experiences, stories and research, as it would be great to find some possible solutions!
I'm sorry it is starting to effect your relationship, which is difficult since you already have open communication. Can I offer one suggestion, that my husband and I agreed to? We joke and are sarcastic in our relationship, but we had to agree that there could be no "jokes, side remarks, verbal jabs" (you name it) regarding sex or intimacy. At first, it felt like we had made this strict rule that was limiting, but after a while, it was easy to only say positive remarks towards each other, if it had anything to do with the topic of intimacy. I think, sometime, we "joke" about sensitive topics, because we don't have the exact words to explain what we're really thinking, or the "joke" is to try to make light of a problematic situation. But, the "joke" has some truth behind it, and therefore, isn't really a "joke". It can be hurtful, and actually cause even more tension, anxiety...and less sexual impulses.
Anyways...sorry for the unsolicited advice! Hope to hear back fro you soon.
July 21, 2009 - 3:01pmThis Comment
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