Why can't you receive genuine heartfelt advice from people who know you personally...that would be the best option, as they do know you personally and can perhaps provide some valuable insight.
You are looking for answers, and I read through your previous posts. I was surprised at how you have put your boyfriend on a pedestal and are "so grateful" that your boyfriend "puts up with you". I am wondering if your unfair fighting techniques that you have described are stemming from this lopsided perspective that you have on your relationship. Perhaps a different perspective on what you offer to the relationship, that you are not "crazy" or "pick fights"...but rather, you have some opinions and feelings that need to be expressed, and perhaps you can find better ways of expressing them. Also, you may feel the need to "fight" or "yell" about your feelings if the receiver (your boyfriend) is not listening and hearing you in the way you need.
In other words: I doubt you are "all bad" and he is "all good".
So...if you take out of the equation your worry about you being attracted to him, sexual concerns and that you are lucky to have him (he is equally lucky to have you)...what you have is communication issues.
There are many, many resources on learning how to effectively communicate with your partner. There are equally the same number of resources to learn fair fighting techniques. However...you both would need to agree to commit to improving in these areas. Your boyfriend is not perfect, or you would not feel the need to start arguments or fights or go on the attack. You can be real with yourself and identify some possible reasons you feel backed in a corner and automatically go on the attack (it's usually because someone feels they are either going to be the victim or the attacker, so you would rather strike first to head off being the victim). It could be the way you relate to each other; it could be that neither one of you learned effective communication and fair fighting techniques. Either way, if you both want to improve this aspect of your relationship, it is wonderful bonding experience as well as promotes more trust and intimacy between you two....exactly what you are looking for, right?
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Hi search4answers,
Why can't you receive genuine heartfelt advice from people who know you personally...that would be the best option, as they do know you personally and can perhaps provide some valuable insight.
You are looking for answers, and I read through your previous posts. I was surprised at how you have put your boyfriend on a pedestal and are "so grateful" that your boyfriend "puts up with you". I am wondering if your unfair fighting techniques that you have described are stemming from this lopsided perspective that you have on your relationship. Perhaps a different perspective on what you offer to the relationship, that you are not "crazy" or "pick fights"...but rather, you have some opinions and feelings that need to be expressed, and perhaps you can find better ways of expressing them. Also, you may feel the need to "fight" or "yell" about your feelings if the receiver (your boyfriend) is not listening and hearing you in the way you need.
In other words: I doubt you are "all bad" and he is "all good".
So...if you take out of the equation your worry about you being attracted to him, sexual concerns and that you are lucky to have him (he is equally lucky to have you)...what you have is communication issues.
There are many, many resources on learning how to effectively communicate with your partner. There are equally the same number of resources to learn fair fighting techniques. However...you both would need to agree to commit to improving in these areas. Your boyfriend is not perfect, or you would not feel the need to start arguments or fights or go on the attack. You can be real with yourself and identify some possible reasons you feel backed in a corner and automatically go on the attack (it's usually because someone feels they are either going to be the victim or the attacker, so you would rather strike first to head off being the victim). It could be the way you relate to each other; it could be that neither one of you learned effective communication and fair fighting techniques. Either way, if you both want to improve this aspect of your relationship, it is wonderful bonding experience as well as promotes more trust and intimacy between you two....exactly what you are looking for, right?
I hope this helps!
May 8, 2011 - 6:52pmThis Comment
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