I have personally gone through the same thing over and over. My suspended fiancé and I started off hot and heavy then in under a month sex dropped off to 1-2 a month. He would flirt and grope and leave with no interest in sex several times a day and ignore me when I would wear lingerie. He would brush me off when I initiated and would say "I had a doughnut" when he wouldn't have an erection. When he did initiate it was like doing laundry, no passion just a chore. I am a very fit 38-21-38 with transparent skin, maridah'a hair, and a good face(did modeling). He was having some ED issues which is fine, then I found out that although I have the shape he likes everything else about me is not his preference. He would fantasize about other women every time he was with me and began masterbaitimg to porn 3x a day when his fantasies started to run out. Here is the thing, if a man is using the fantasy part of his brain (watching porn is there too)and rewarding himself with strong chemical reactions that part of his brain is what triggers his sexual desire, not physical people because he hasn't worked out that brain muscle. Men, regardless of what they say place themselves in the scene with the woman, it is scientifically proven. It is more about emotional escape, intimacy avoidance and long term habits. By doing this they do not build healthy emotional bonds with their real partner, are less attracted to them, objectify women, feel sexually inadequate while engaging in physical sexual activity, and suffer from porn induced ED, which can happen with fantasy masterbaition as well. My ex-husband used porn, his genre escalated (which is common) and he became sexually violent with me. My ex-fiancé became addicted (also common) and is now on sexual detox from his therapist. He has intimacy issues from his parents and was sexually abused by his ex-wife, who criticized his performance and his penis. Although he loves me and thinks I'm attractive he admits that he finds curvy Hispanic women very attractive and his actions were separate from me. He also thought that he was being a good partner. He knows now by engaging in selfish pleasure, neglecting my needs, projecting, and judging me he was not. Most importantly he now sees that criticizing any part of a female is equivalent to having his penis criticized. He is getting the physiological help he needs for his past and for his addiction habits, and learning how to deal with depression and stress in a more healthy way. I have moments that I understand it has nothing to do with me, in those moments I am firm and say "This is your issue and if I'm the person you want to be with then you need to take care of it before you even consider coming this way. I refuse to live the rest of my life feeling unloved by someone I adore who should hold me just as high, it is unfair to everyone." On my bad days I have a list of all the medical procedures, workouts, and cosmetic things I need to do to be noticed, loved and desired. I realize this can be very damaging, can last the rest of my life, I might never feel secure, but I know I'll have good days too, and I love his so very much even through all the pain. I hope this gives insight.
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I have personally gone through the same thing over and over. My suspended fiancé and I started off hot and heavy then in under a month sex dropped off to 1-2 a month. He would flirt and grope and leave with no interest in sex several times a day and ignore me when I would wear lingerie. He would brush me off when I initiated and would say "I had a doughnut" when he wouldn't have an erection. When he did initiate it was like doing laundry, no passion just a chore. I am a very fit 38-21-38 with transparent skin, maridah'a hair, and a good face(did modeling). He was having some ED issues which is fine, then I found out that although I have the shape he likes everything else about me is not his preference. He would fantasize about other women every time he was with me and began masterbaitimg to porn 3x a day when his fantasies started to run out. Here is the thing, if a man is using the fantasy part of his brain (watching porn is there too)and rewarding himself with strong chemical reactions that part of his brain is what triggers his sexual desire, not physical people because he hasn't worked out that brain muscle. Men, regardless of what they say place themselves in the scene with the woman, it is scientifically proven. It is more about emotional escape, intimacy avoidance and long term habits. By doing this they do not build healthy emotional bonds with their real partner, are less attracted to them, objectify women, feel sexually inadequate while engaging in physical sexual activity, and suffer from porn induced ED, which can happen with fantasy masterbaition as well. My ex-husband used porn, his genre escalated (which is common) and he became sexually violent with me. My ex-fiancé became addicted (also common) and is now on sexual detox from his therapist. He has intimacy issues from his parents and was sexually abused by his ex-wife, who criticized his performance and his penis. Although he loves me and thinks I'm attractive he admits that he finds curvy Hispanic women very attractive and his actions were separate from me. He also thought that he was being a good partner. He knows now by engaging in selfish pleasure, neglecting my needs, projecting, and judging me he was not. Most importantly he now sees that criticizing any part of a female is equivalent to having his penis criticized. He is getting the physiological help he needs for his past and for his addiction habits, and learning how to deal with depression and stress in a more healthy way. I have moments that I understand it has nothing to do with me, in those moments I am firm and say "This is your issue and if I'm the person you want to be with then you need to take care of it before you even consider coming this way. I refuse to live the rest of my life feeling unloved by someone I adore who should hold me just as high, it is unfair to everyone." On my bad days I have a list of all the medical procedures, workouts, and cosmetic things I need to do to be noticed, loved and desired. I realize this can be very damaging, can last the rest of my life, I might never feel secure, but I know I'll have good days too, and I love his so very much even through all the pain. I hope this gives insight.
March 9, 2017 - 9:55amThis Comment
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