Alison, I copy-pasted this behaviour list from an empowher discussion thread. In my opinion, he displays these behaviours in various degrees. I discussed some behaviours with him & he agreed that he exhibits them:
- Procrastination to the point where some things don't get done for months to never
- Not acting upon things inspite of reminders (both big & small matters) - appears as intentional to me
- Complaining, Blaming others for almost everything
- Grumpiness almost on a daily basis
- Irritation with me and the kids over small things
- Resistance to suggestions - agreement in words only
- Unexpressed hostility - complains a lot about things I have no control over, to the point where I feel highly nagged and frustrated - for eg., things like federal policies or how the media is portraying someone, etc.
He seems to be making serious effort to change - in the past few days. But I almost had to give him an ultimatum. I told him I don't want to have to go to such extreme measures to have him act - it is too stressful for me & will not work out for both of us in the long term.
Regarding reasons, he said it has been kind of in his nature to delay things. He does not have much family. His mother who is in the same state has not been there for him even in his most difficult periods as a single dad. She was apparently quite uncaring even when he was growing up - from what he told me. His ex-wife left him for someone else & moved out of state. He does not make friends easily & probably was quite lonely. He has told me he used to have panic attacks when his kids left him to visit his ex during holidays. He had also put on a lot of weight due to over-eating post his divorce and at some point decided to work out, get fit, go out there to meet people and take charge of his life. His relationship with his kids was really poor when I first met him. There was a lot of disrespect from the kids, he was taken for granted, a lot of sarcasm flowed between them, and it looked like a vicious cycle. A lot of these things have changed now, for the better. He has told me on multiple occassions that he is getting the love he has never got before, from me now.
He seems like a genuine person & appears to love me deeply. This is a huge part of why I got into this relationship & married him. The passive aggressiveness was not intense earlier & I really was not aware of this type of passive aggressiveness. I mistook it for someone that was a little 'laid back'.
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Thanks Alysiak.
Alison, I copy-pasted this behaviour list from an empowher discussion thread. In my opinion, he displays these behaviours in various degrees. I discussed some behaviours with him & he agreed that he exhibits them:
- Procrastination to the point where some things don't get done for months to never
- Not acting upon things inspite of reminders (both big & small matters) - appears as intentional to me
- Complaining, Blaming others for almost everything
- Grumpiness almost on a daily basis
- Irritation with me and the kids over small things
- Resistance to suggestions - agreement in words only
- Unexpressed hostility - complains a lot about things I have no control over, to the point where I feel highly nagged and frustrated - for eg., things like federal policies or how the media is portraying someone, etc.
He seems to be making serious effort to change - in the past few days. But I almost had to give him an ultimatum. I told him I don't want to have to go to such extreme measures to have him act - it is too stressful for me & will not work out for both of us in the long term.
Regarding reasons, he said it has been kind of in his nature to delay things. He does not have much family. His mother who is in the same state has not been there for him even in his most difficult periods as a single dad. She was apparently quite uncaring even when he was growing up - from what he told me. His ex-wife left him for someone else & moved out of state. He does not make friends easily & probably was quite lonely. He has told me he used to have panic attacks when his kids left him to visit his ex during holidays. He had also put on a lot of weight due to over-eating post his divorce and at some point decided to work out, get fit, go out there to meet people and take charge of his life. His relationship with his kids was really poor when I first met him. There was a lot of disrespect from the kids, he was taken for granted, a lot of sarcasm flowed between them, and it looked like a vicious cycle. A lot of these things have changed now, for the better. He has told me on multiple occassions that he is getting the love he has never got before, from me now.
He seems like a genuine person & appears to love me deeply. This is a huge part of why I got into this relationship & married him. The passive aggressiveness was not intense earlier & I really was not aware of this type of passive aggressiveness. I mistook it for someone that was a little 'laid back'.
Hope this detail helps.
August 20, 2009 - 9:32amThis Comment
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