Both of these are possible and normal, but again, do not have a place in a healthy relationship. They are both forms of manipulation, deceit and jealousy (trying to "make" someone jealous is controlling).
Ideally, if the other person is doing these things because they are upset, needing attention, or otherwise unhappy, they have the responsibility to openly communicate their needs.
Everyone is different with "flirting", and it may/may not have a place in a relationship; what matters most is how both people feel about it, and what purpose it is playing in the relationship. Is the purpose of flirting to get the others' attention, to make them jealous or hurt? If so, it has the purpose of manipulating, hurting and controlling the other person.
Your second question: who are these girls you are referring to? It is wonderful for both individuals to have friends outside the relationship, regardless of gender. This demands mutual trust, of course. Again, it depends on the purpose and manner in which he is texting and sending pictures. Is the purpose to hurt you, make you feel insecure, jealous, manipulated? Are these just friends that he is having fun with, or are the texts/pictures containing subtle "flirty" messages that make you feel uncomfortable?
Whatever your answers to the above questions, your next step is to talk with your boyfriend, and tell him your feelings are hurt by his behavior with flirting and texting girls. See what his response is. Does he make you feel more hurt, or silly, or ridiculous for bringing this up? Does he say that he didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and is he open with who these friends are, and his purpose in communicating with them? Does he say that his flirting did get out of hand, or that he didn't mean for you to see? Or, does he put you down and suggest you are "too jealous"? His reaction to your honest feelings will be telling; your feelings can also not be manipulative or controlling, either! (You can not change his behavior; you can only tell him how his behavior makes you feel).
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Both of these are possible and normal, but again, do not have a place in a healthy relationship. They are both forms of manipulation, deceit and jealousy (trying to "make" someone jealous is controlling).
Ideally, if the other person is doing these things because they are upset, needing attention, or otherwise unhappy, they have the responsibility to openly communicate their needs.
Everyone is different with "flirting", and it may/may not have a place in a relationship; what matters most is how both people feel about it, and what purpose it is playing in the relationship. Is the purpose of flirting to get the others' attention, to make them jealous or hurt? If so, it has the purpose of manipulating, hurting and controlling the other person.
Your second question: who are these girls you are referring to? It is wonderful for both individuals to have friends outside the relationship, regardless of gender. This demands mutual trust, of course. Again, it depends on the purpose and manner in which he is texting and sending pictures. Is the purpose to hurt you, make you feel insecure, jealous, manipulated? Are these just friends that he is having fun with, or are the texts/pictures containing subtle "flirty" messages that make you feel uncomfortable?
Whatever your answers to the above questions, your next step is to talk with your boyfriend, and tell him your feelings are hurt by his behavior with flirting and texting girls. See what his response is. Does he make you feel more hurt, or silly, or ridiculous for bringing this up? Does he say that he didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and is he open with who these friends are, and his purpose in communicating with them? Does he say that his flirting did get out of hand, or that he didn't mean for you to see? Or, does he put you down and suggest you are "too jealous"? His reaction to your honest feelings will be telling; your feelings can also not be manipulative or controlling, either! (You can not change his behavior; you can only tell him how his behavior makes you feel).
hope that helps!
August 20, 2009 - 1:05pmThis Comment
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